Reflections

My Heart Ached Today…

My heart ached today…

It ached for the fate of a young boy, and for the life path he has chosen.  For if I believe what I say I do (and I do), then I have to accept that even he is not a victim; he must have chosen this life path for a reason.  But what possible reason could a soul have for choosing so much pain, loneliness, heartache, disappointment and suffering?  He is just a child, but like so many children today, he suffers…

And my heart ached for him today…

Knowing now what I did not know before: that there is nothing I can, or should be doing to change his path today.  As one soul to another, I can only respect his journey, offer love and admiration for his courage and tenacity, and witness his soul’s work on this Earth today.  That it is not my place to “save” another, because I cannot comprehend what truly motivates that Other.  But I can love him, and pray for him, that what he most needs today will be available to him…

And my heart ached with him today…

I talked to a friend today.  She was judging herself, quite harshly to my eyes, apologizing for her mistakes, blaming herself for what she’d done wrong.  When I asked her what she thought she’d done, she wasn’t actually sure today.  But she was certain that something wrong today must trace back to her…

I told her my heart ached to hear her say such things…

For surely she could not be blamed for something she could not even name!  “Why would you take such a burden upon yourself?,” I asked this woman point blank.  It was an answer I needed to know and understand, for I frequently feel this myself, though I’m less likely to phrase it that way.  She simply shrugged and told me, “well, I’m not perfect, you know… I make mistakes.  I’m sure I’m responsible for it in some small way…”

And my heart ached for her today…

And for all those who shoulder the blame that others will not accept; not because it needs to be, but because they need to feel needed…

My heart ached today…

I asked for prayers, and loving thoughts for that poor boy today.  And friends of mine stepped up without hesitation, sharing whatever they had to give to that child they’d never met.  Wave after wave of Love and Light washed over me, as individuals tagged in to our prayer circle to share their gifts, and I felt every single one of them.  Some were so strong as to make me light-headed and weak in the knees, while others were mere whispers brushing across my skin.  But EVERY one was honest, and true, and real, and sincere!  Such indescribable joy I felt in that outpouring of love; such deep respect for every soul who reached out in answer to my desperate plea; such honor to know I am surrounded by such awe-inspiring Beings…

And my heart ached with joy as well as sorrow today…

And suddenly I understood at least one tiny part of the mystery that embraced me today.  I understood why some souls suffer by choice today.  I understood that the Universe exists in perfect balance, now and always;  that whenever, and wherever, darkness rises, Light also resides.  For it is Light itself, meeting some “be-ing” that creates the shadow in the first place; and Light itself that flows in to fill that void the very instant that “being” moves.  And movement is an act of will, a choice, that every soul can make…

And my heart ached today…

For it was full today; full of sorrow, and regret, and joy, and revelation…

And suddenly I was reminded of a moment, just the day before, when my heart also ached.  Driving home from work on Sunday night, before any of today had happened, I cried.  I cried because the autumn sun was shining brilliantly that day, lighting up the leaves of color so that everything around seemed magnificently, beautifully alive… at the same time the snow was falling, blowing across the road in wisps, like clouds brought down to Earth.  Winter met autumn in that single moment: the sun highlighting every snowflake, sparkling like fairy dust in the wind, while the blowing snow muted the fiery fall foliage, creating an ethereal garden display.  And I was driving on the very border between them…

And it occurred to me in that moment, that there must be a rainbow nearby, even if I couldn’t see it myself; the sky gods smiling upon the earth goddesses in this playful meeting of the climes.  And in that moment, briefly, I grasped the very essence of Faith…

And my heart ached with the power of that faith…

And that faith prepared me for today.

Yes, my heart ached today…

But I was grateful I could feel today this way…

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