Reflections

Ping… Pong! The Bitch still lives!…

Yeah…  So, I’m in a strange place today, in case the title of this post didn’t give that away… lol!

** NOTE to potential readers of this post:  I am what is affectionately referred to as “out there” today: ungrounded, unfocused, and without a sense of purpose or direction.  Therefore, it is reasonable to suppose that this post will reflect that.  If you are one uncomfortable with Chaos, then you might be better served by moving on, without attempting to read this.  I lay no claim to “logic” or “rationality” today; I refuse to be held accountable to those terms at this time.  I choose instead to be real, to be me, however irrational and vulnerable to disdain that may make me…

If you do not wish to witness this particular sojourn in my blog-life, then please do feel free to walk away now; I will not be offended, and I would prefer that to losing some of my new-found WordPress friends because they suddenly discover that I am, indeed, “crazy,” as I have always claimed…

Consider your selves warned… 

END NOTE**

“Oh great, Lisa, do you not understand the role of ‘foreshadowing’ in writing exploits?!,” I ask myself…  “The point is to hint, with subtlety, to suggest, not to give an outright declaration of where you’re going!”

“Yes, yes, I understand that,” I answer myself.  “Your point?”

“Well, what happens if you fail to deliver now?  What happens when your two or three brave readers discover you have nothing of value to say today, when it occurs to them that they just wasted valuable time chasing you down the rabbit hole, only to discover that you are, indeed, in a rabbit hole?!”

“Hmm…,” I ponder, almost to myself.  “But if my ‘warning’ is successful, then how likely is it they will follow me down this rabbit hole at all?…  Have I not just distanced myself from any ‘reasonable’ expectations?  Have I not paved the path of self-destruction adequately?  Perhaps there is a method to my ‘madness’ after all…?”

Twiddling thumbs emphasize both the dissatisfaction I feel at my answer, and the inability to refute its temporary logic, especially on this day, already declared, a “logic-free” endeavor…

“Fine, then, you can win this opening bid,” I finally submit.  “But only because I’m feeling gracious today…  Now.  What is it you really wanted to talk about?  Why did you call this meeting today?”

Confused, I shift my eyes right, compress my lips, twist up my countenance…  “Umm…,” I begin, index finger raised in emphasis.  “I did no such thing, so far as I recall.  I called no one, except work, and that was to rearrange my schedule, since ‘working’ is clearly not on the agenda today.”

“Yet here I am,” comes the response…  “Care to explain?”

“Oh, crap!,” I exclaim, as it occurs to me that this is, indeed, going to be “one of those days”…

Tapping toes and restless energy intensify the revelation…

“Wait!,” I insist, urgently.  “Just wait!…  If we are going to have a conversation, then I need to get my laptop!  Your conversations with me are rarely ‘mobile-friendly’…”

*****   *****   *****

Lisa:  All right, I’m ready…  I think.

Other: Laughing…  Then let us begin…  Why am I here today?

L:  You’re asking me?  I don’t recall inviting you.  It’s been years since we last talked.  Years!!  I know that may not mean much to you, being Time-less and all, but I have moved into my Crone-hood while you’ve been gone.

O: Well, you clearly cannot blame me for that!  You are the one who chooses to live in Time.  Choose otherwise, if you wish, and let’s move on to something else for a change…

L:  Like what, for example? Arms crossing unconsciously across my torso…

O:  Oh, there you go again, Ms. Victim!  Always playing the “Slighted One,” the “Misunderstood”!  Are we going to be able to have a civil conversation, or are you going to spend this time chastising me?

L:  Hesitating…  No.  I’m not going to argue with you today.  Truth is, I have missed you.  How silly is that?  Although, I would appreciate it if you turned down the volume a bit.  This shouting in my head is giving me a worse headache than I already had…

O: Unapologetically…  Drastic times call for drastic measures.  You weren’t listening to me!

L:  Oh, I was listening, all right.  I just didn’t realize it was you I was listening to…  Laughing…  Ok, so who’s asking and who’s answering today?  Since we can’t even figure out who called this meeting, perhaps we can establish how it will progress…?

O:  Does it even matter, Lisa?  Have we not moved beyond the illusion of separation yet?  Sarcastically, delivered with a side-to-side head bopping finishing flurry…  Are you still clinging to that which makes you “different”?

L:  Stunned…  Wow!  Don’t hold anything back, bitch!  Let it out!

O: Laughing…  Much better!  You have grown; you would never have dared say that aloud before.  Good!  Now, let’s get to work…  Do you remember what you were thinking, feeling, experiencing, before this conversation began?

L: Thoughtfully… Yeah, I was feeling dizzy, headachy, out of control.  Like a ping pong ball, bouncing every which way, knocked for a loop by some ill-timed aggression…  Or maybe more like a pinball, with lights flashing, bells ringing, buzzers buzzing, flappers clacking; a cacophony of chaos assaulting me…  And in the next room I could hear music playing, disco of all things! (lol!)  Might have been “Kung Foo Fighting” and in my mind, I was dancing; just a child once more…

Wait!  I know that place!  I was at the DYI in Zweibrucken, Germany.  There was a dance going on…  Bruce was there still.  And Steve as well, though they weren’t in the room with me…  Of course, I was in the machine, so how could they be?…

Damn!  That would make it 1973-74, right around the time we first met…

O: Nodding…  Which explains why I am here, then…  But was it really necessary to travel back in time to connect with me again?

L: Apparently…  Since nothing else I’ve tried in 20+ years has brought you back to me…

O:  Softly… You could have tried calling me…

L:  You don’t think I tried?!  I’ve tried everything!  But you were simply gone!  I even tried writing a book about searching for you, but never got passed the first few chapters.  So I started the third book in the series, Remembering Tomorrow, and stumbled to a halt before it hardly began!

O:  So…  You wanted me to help you write another book?

L:  No!  Yes!  Maybe…  I don’t know.  Don’t confuse me!  I was merely saying that I started writing the books in order to connect with you.  But you did not come…

O: Thoughtfully…  Why do you suppose that is?

L:  Adamantly…  Because it wasn’t time yet!

O:  Yawning…  Bored…  Time again?!  Really??  Is that the best you can come up with?

Time passes: the numbers on the digital clock keep changing; my heart keeps beating; the muted sunlight shifts, transforms; the snowflakes fall, then stop, then fall again, as though they have always done so…  I breathe: in, and out; in, and out; over and over again.  The sounds of daily life progress, both inside and outside the house: my roommate leaves, and later returns; the garbage trucks come and go; emails arrive and are addressed; the cat demands attention, and then relents…  “Yes!,” it suddenly occurs to me, “Time is all we need!”

L:  With certainty…  It is all I need.  I knew that Time had shifted recently, but I did not understand its significance.  Now, I think I do…  Time has come “full circle”; the cycle is complete.  You and I are interchangeable now, a mere nudge in perspective is all that’s required to completely change our realities, shared or not.  We are merg-ing-ed, simultaneously and without contradiction.  I get “it” now!  For real, this time…  🙂

*****   *****   *****

Sighing softly, I close my laptop…

My headache demands a nap; my spirit seeks a dream…

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19 thoughts on “Ping… Pong! The Bitch still lives!…

  1. As Uar Iam says:

    Lisa, or should I say Alice 😄, what an interesting trip this has been following you down this little rabbit hole. Looks like I need to find a hole of my own, and have a conversation with myself, too.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lol! Can I just say that I adore you, As Uar Iam!! I regretted it the instant I pressed the publish button, and was sincerely hoping that with all the WordPress problems today, this post might just slip by unnoticed. But you have made me smile and laugh about it! I cannot tell you how much that means to me… Thank you!

      And might I suggest a gopher hole instead, or perhaps a badger or fox den? Might be a bit roomier and more comfortable, and then I could tag along with you… 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I just wanted to say how nice to read of you being “Out there.” when I thought I was “out there” on my own. A touch of the crazies is a great way to blow away the cobwebs before return to the more solid lands of common sense. Wherever you are I find your musings delightful

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oooh I just found this one.
    I have these conversations with me, although they very rarely take the form of words, more like exchanges of packages of concepts, and then we both confuse each other and go off wandering speculating about Creation (or whatever writing project we are on)

    Liked by 1 person

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