An apology of sorts…

It has been brought to my attention by a kind and wise soul that my previous post might not have said clearly what I wanted it to say.  Ironic, actually, since the post was about intention and expectation…  Of particular concern is the final portion, a “challenge” I issued, which might easily have been misinterpreted.  The actual passage went like this:

“There you go, Expectations!  I defy you today!

Come on, then…  I dare you!

Expectation, how do you respond to this?!

(And yes, I am calling you out!  I believe that is somewhere in the definition of “defiance” itself…  Or maybe I just made that part up…)”

In all honesty, it never occurred to me that passage might be interpreted as a challenge to my readers to get more involved by providing more feedback, but when I read it again now, I see how that might be so…

My only “excuse” is that I was running late for work, and I wanted to finish it, but that’s not really a fair excuse.  Bottom line is this post “failed”.  It failed because it might not have communicated what I was actually trying to say…

For clarity’s sake, I was personifying my own expectations, and attempting to defy them.  And here’s why…

I have always, in my attempts to “fit in,” adjusted my “presentation” of my self to be what others seem to want me to be, developing an outward persona that is non-confrontational, meek, mild and adaptable; I want to be perceived as “normal” as possible, since I recognize how deep my “abnormality” goes.  In recent years I have been slowly, but steadily refuting that logic for myself, recognizing that I, as myself, have as much right to be as any other.  In fact, I cannot truly be who I want to be if I cannot first accept who I am!

That journey of self-expression has reached a peak recently, leading to this particular post, in which I attempted to openly defy those urges to conform.  I chose to use an example of “feedback” in the blogging world because it seemed easily accessible and relatable to other bloggers here.  But as Elusive Trope also pointed out, my subconscious clearly had other intentions…

Or perhaps not…  For what better way is there to confront your fear of rejection than by doing something that clearly invites rejection?  That is likely also the reason I feel the need to publicly flog myself with it, rather than letting it quietly slip by…  lol!

In any event, I offer sincere apologies to anyone who read that post and felt offended, or “called out” by it; it was never my intention, consciously or otherwise, to imply that you, the reader, have somehow failed me…

** Crawling back into my rabbit hole to lick my self-inflicted wounds…**

But I will be back.  And I will be my self, regardless of how this all pans out.  I am still feeling defiant and determined about that!