Dreams, Reflections

Humility and Service…

I had a dream last night, and it revealed much to me…

In the dream, the “change” had already occurred, and people who would endure had gathered in camps around the world.  At the camp I was in, the “leaders” (those wisest and most knowledgeable among us) were gathering to devise a strategy for rebuilding a better world.  I was not among them; I waited, like so many others, for a task to be assigned to me…

Eventually a man came, gathering those closest around me, and told us to start cleaning up the area surrounding our camp.  Our role, assigned randomly it seemed, was to clean up the detritis left by the storm.

I immediately went to work, gathering bundles of broken sticks lying all about like garbage, to stack neatly in some, as yet unrevealed, location where such garbage would be kept.  And as I worked, several things occurred to me…

First was the disappointment I felt, not because I was a laborer in this new world, but because I had not prepared well for this role.  I have spent this entire lifetime developing my consciousness, my emotional intelligence, and my wisdom in preparation for what I believed was inevitable, only to discover now that what I should have been focusing on was my body instead.  The irony of my situation nearly paralyzed me, compounded by the physical pain assaulting me each time I bent over to gather more sticks…

“Perhaps I should be meditating while I work,” I thought, trying to make the best of this situation.  But I could not overcome the leaden effects of this vaguely glimpsed new future for me.

Anger flashed briefly within me as I realized how I had deceived myself for so long; I dragged myself through endless pain-filled days at work promising my self that one day the pain would pass, as I claimed the bright future I thought lay ahead.  But here in the darkness, following the storm, I continued to labor physically, in pain, with nothing more redeeming to look forward to…

“But my soul has always sought service as a role,” I reminded myself.  True enough, and yet, I had somehow believed that such future service would not be so physically demanding.  It was disheartening to discover that the “best” that I could offer this new world was a broken-down body attempting to clean up the mess left by the transition…

And through it all, I continued to step forward, bend over to pick up a stick to add to the growing pile in my arms, and then slowly force myself upright to step forward toward the next stick in front of me.  At one point, struggling to stand up against the pain, I rested for a moment, surveying the path ahead.  I was appalled at the sheer number of broken sticks ahead of me, certain it would take what remained of this life to pick them all up!

But I also knew that I would see it through, because service is what I was born to do.  And a heavy cloak of futility settled upon my soul, as it occurred to me how all my preparation efforts, entertaining though they were, had totally missed the point, providing nothing of value in this new life I’d won…

And then I laughed out loud, realizing that at least one thing I had previously done would pay off for me now…  The discipline I practiced every day, forcing myself to go to work in spite of how it drained me, forcing myself to keep working, no matter how much pain I was in; that was a skill my self would need now!  That, apparently, is what all my self-work has been about…

The abuse I suffered as a child?  Not about learning compassion, but about learning Discipline.  The neglect I suffered?  Not about learning independence, but about learning to suffer in silence while carrying on.  The schizophrenia I learned to use to my advantage?  Not about learning the power of perception, but about learning to delude myself with experiences that would transport me away from the real-life pain I was experiencing…

Suddenly, my whole life came into new focus under the harsh light of my promotion to “stick-picker-upper” in the brave new world I’d worked so hard to attain!…

And I woke up…  Finally…

I was relieved to be back in my bed, with my cat, contemplating a day off, during which I knew I would be attending my own birthday party.  But I couldn’t help but wonder exactly what I would be celebrating…?

***   ***   ***

Dreams are rarely literal, and so caution should be taken when interpreting them; this much I know.  But dreams are powerful messengers, and they have often served me well in revealing “truths” my conscious mind might otherwise avoid.  So what is the message I should take from this?  What is the moral of this particular bedtime story?

I was born in the last half hour before the Spring Equinox during a Leap Year; in other words, I was born in the last half hour of Pisces on the cusp of being Aries.  For those of you familiar with Astrology, you understand that makes me not only my own worst enemy, but also as dual-natured as any soul has a right to be.  As last and first signs respectively (Pisces is last, Aries is first), I am, quite literally, Omega and Alpha simultaneously!  I am my own Twin; two souls sharing one body; the very embodiment of Polarity and Duality…

My entire life has been about Balance and Boundaries, Anonymity and Leadership, Sacrifice and Reward, Selflessness and Ego…  Which brings me back, in a long roundabout way, to the topics at hand: Humility and Service…  What exactly are they, at least for me?

Humility, in my opinion, is not about being meek, or subservient, or “less than” others in any way.  Humility is about being honest, especially with one’s self, about being “authentic” and “real”.  It is about owning who we truly are, talents and gifts alongside flaws and scars.  It is about Accepting things the way they are, rather than wishing them otherwise, or trying to change them at all…

And Service is about being “useful,” and “helpful,” whatever that means in the circumstances.  It may mean some of you are called to grand purposes, while others, like me, may toil in the trenches.  We serve best by doing that which we are most qualified and needed to do; we serve best by choosing to willingly follow the path before us, rather than seeking to change that role.  It may turn out that I trained “misguidedly” in this lifetime, only learning now that my role is to pick up sticks, but the “training” I undertook nonetheless prepared me well.  For I have learned to Endure, regardless of pain and circumstance, and that is exactly what I need in my new role!

So yes, my ego resists the idea that I am just another cog in the wheel, but my soul understands that without me accepting that role, the wheel will not turn at all.  That’s important to know…  My Ascendance, my Transcendance, is about releasing my Ego.  But I think I already knew that somehow, though I “saw” it entirely differently before…

And so the “change” comes over me, not with the flash of revelatory lightning and the roar of thunderous earth-shaking truth, but with a whine and a whimper – both rather familiar, of course…

 

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19 thoughts on “Humility and Service…

  1. I totally agree with you about what “humility” and “service” mean, and you explained both so succinctly.

    I treat dreams the way I do a Tarot reading: an experience that can offer insight to one’s inner life otherwise not fully illuminated. How one interprets the dream is what important, not the dream itself. The insight you gleaned is what you gleaned, just as one gleans what one does from a poem, regardless of what poet meant or others might take away from it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great commentary on dreams, service and humility. All I can say is, yes, well, that’s the size of it! Serving only works when done through humility. I know also from experience that humility is being honest in what we do and why we do it, and nothing to do with subservience. Often true humility is mistook for pride even. Dreams, when we take the trouble to figure out the symbology, make powerful teaching tools also. Good read for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad you read and enjoyed it, Sha’Tara, and I take comfort from your agreement. I value your wisdom immensely, so this validation reinforces the feeling that I’m “on the right track” for me. Thank you! 🙂

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  3. Wow, Lisa, your dream is quite profound. Your strength and determination are as admirable as your ability to express yourself.

    I wish you lived nearby and I could give you some healing massages which could at least give you longer windows of relief. What I do know is that healing can take a very very long time, but also that we are all healing in some way or another.

    Happy Birthday, dear heart. You are a birthday twin with my adopted son, who is now 34. He lives with his birth mother now, but I raised him from age nine to being fully grown. He is definitely the Alpha and the Omega.

    It’s interesting how close to this full moon in Virgo and lunar eclipse your birthday fell this year.

    I’m going to be starting online readings soon and also long distance energy sessions after a bit more practice with the long distance. You feel very sensitive, so would be quite receptive.

    Keep shining, beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahh, Kamea… What a beautiful and heartfelt response! I feel loved across the many miles that separate us, and I welcome your healing embrace!

      Happy belated birthday to your son! I know we can be difficult to deal with sometimes, being extremists who thrive on being unpredictable, so kudos to you for raising him with such love and kindness…

      And thanks for letting me know the full moon was in Virgo; I had no idea. I knew about the eclipse of course, but not the sign it would occur in. Perfect backdrop for a post on humility and service, no?! Lol!

      Sending you Love, Light and Gratitude! Please know you are a treasured part of my life, even if we never meet in person… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, Lisa, I feel a soul connection also, you are like a little sister, or siSTAR, as many soul friends like to say. A small group of us are here at wordpress and all of us have begun writing more right about the same time.

        The Equinox/Eclipse window also is a gateway for the incoming solar flare energies which keep increasing, at the same time that our magnetic poles have actually already shifted a bit.

        Your dream is significant to me because of course there will be lots of hard work rebuilding the world and of course hard work keeping our heads above water in the meantime.

        If we were to all ever be in camps during this rebuilding process, I would like mine to be in the mountains, with lots of Nature nearby. I truly believe that returning to smaller more agrarian communities for the most part is how we will survive, and beautifully too. Anyways, I would want to be in the healers area and help all sorts of people, especially how to heal ourselves and help each other.

        I have to have help with several activities still even though there are many things I can still do and am finally able to do again. Which is so amazing and wonderful.

        Arnica is essential for the muscle pain. When I become more tech savvy my blog will include some of the herbal remedies my more knowledgeable friends are sharing. Just learning there and kind of using a combination of natural remedies and allopathic medicine too, but am almost off them all. Yay, because the side effects are no fun.

        Big hugs to you, young trooper. You are a natural leader, and the compassion you have which is returned to you will continue to flow to you tenfold, wrapping you up in the long arms of Love.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you for this, Kamea! I love your vision for the new world, and agree that simpler, smaller communities (with an emphasis on community) would serve us well…

        I wish you continued success with your healing! I believe strongly in miracles. And in the efficacy of Arnica; it has made my life infinitely better!

        Love and Light to you, my soul siStar! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, love and light to you also, we are daughters of Gaia!

        Today I was part of a webinar with Suzanne Lie in my 4 for Gaia group. I was able to talk to her! And then I wrote my little song for Gaia just now. I will most likely come back and revise it a bit, lol.

        Liked by 1 person

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