Essay, Reflections

The Test…

We interrupt this broadcast for a test of the Emergency Broadcast System…  This is only a test…

Life happens, whether we want it to or not.  Once we are born, we are here, willingly or not.  We experience… Life.  That is the point, after all…

And if we are lucky, or determined at all, we gain something by doing so.  We learn.  We grow.  Perhaps we even evolve…

Sometimes it seems as though we are de-volving first…  Or even after learning something new about our selves or our world.  Sometimes it feels as though we are going backwards rather than forward.  We find ourselves thinking, “haven’t I been here before?” Or even, “not this!  Again?!”  Or some variation thereof…

I used to think it was about cycles, or, more accurately, spirals.  For cycles (circles) represent change and completion, while spirals (circles grown over time) represent evolution.  And while it’s true that spirals can be traversed in either ascending or descending directions, the soul’s impulse is to climb.  So each “new” visitation with a lesson offers a chance to introduce a new level of understanding or a new tool for growing…

So lately I have felt my self making tremendous leaps forward.  Magical synchronicities, sudden epiphanies, revelations revealed in obvious, clearly focused ways…  And the people!  Magical, wise and wonderful, I have been blessed with “meeting” some incredible souls, many, many through this blog!  And I am grateful for each and every path I’ve crossed on this journey recently!

Until yesterday I reached a new-to-me level of Oneness awareness…

I was completely at peace, seeing myself in every stranger and friend’s face…  I was a gull flying by, seeing the Earth below, landing skillfully on soft spring grass…  And then I was the grass itself, millions of single-minded blades of grass, simultaneously, exulting, as only grass can do, in the warm spring sun, the fresh fallen rain…  It was profound!

And then today, suddenly, the Earth shifted once more, and now Fear has returned.  The Shadow approaches, and I feel completely unprepared…  How is that possible?!

But it is… what it is…

My momentum has stalled, my consciousness is frozen…  I feel trapped, like a wild animal in the headlights of some gigantic truck, as I stare into the face of a pattern beginning to repeat in my life.  And not one I’m eager re-visit at all…

Have I learned anything useful since last time?  I fear not, for neither my mind nor my heart are suggesting solutions at the moment.  I can’t even imagine how to protect myself, much less transform this experience into something useful…  I feel completely power-less, which I know is ridiculous!…

And one phrase keeps repeating itself… Over and over again…

“This is a test…  This is only a test…”

In the event of a real emergency, …  We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming…  

For some reason, I can’t remember the words in between…  Hmm…


28 thoughts on “The Test…

  1. Reblogged this on Elizabeth Sheel and commented:
    Lovely post – the desert can be a long journey – or just a short visit. Just wander about – you will find a blade of grass, or a small plant. Or a little animal. Or a track leading somewhere unknown, or a signpost! Thanks you for post.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: The Test… | the otherhood of one – Gentle Ignition

  3. Pingback: The Test… — the otherhood of one. (This is awesome. Give it a read and subscribe to their site.) – themoviehubb

  4. Let me play pretend spiritual guru for a moment: you let yourself get rushed up the stairs so fast, you ran out of breath. Now you have to lean on the banister for a few moments and catch your breath; review the climb and try not to get vertiginous looking down the way you came. Just a thought, and you certainly don’t have to take my comment seriously, I mean that seriously. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Ahem- Part 2 (did I say ‘Post Comment’- laptop-did I huh?-huh?- just ‘cuz you are new doesn’t mean I cut slack- just watch it!–sorry about that- now where was I).
    … a 14 billion light year sized universe, we are bound to resonate with our surroundings through Time & Distance, into places and circumstances our three-dimensional senses can’t grasp.

    But you described the resonances in a far superior manner.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. When life repeats itself {there are only so many limitless options anyway } we have at our disposal the defenses learned from the first encounter. So buck up and smile, take the episode headon , then veer your course away from the storm ! [ I wish that I could take my own advice. ]

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Justin Chang says:

    I believe the words “please remain calm” are usually used and then something about “If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed to tune to one of the broadcast stations in your area.”. So many the warning is to just remain calm, and maybe just “tune in” for guidance on how to best move forward.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Lol! One bane of my existence…

        Does autocorrect actually serve a purpose other than to frustrate readers and writers alike? I mean, it always allows me to post typos, and only steps in to change things when it can actually change the tone or message itself.

        Just wondering… 😉


      • Well, if you’re in the “i” world, I don’t know, but in the not-so-smart-phone world, there’s a square icon on your home window with little white circles in it. Press that and your “apps” window appears. In there look for a gear icon with “Settings” under it. Click on that and see what menus and sub-menus you can display. Since I only use these phones as readers (I have two hand-me-downs for that purpose), I don’t have much use for settings. (I use a basic flip phone for cell phone communication, much simpler). In the drop-down menu from Settings, scroll to “Language and Keyboards” and in that drop down menu maybe turn “spell check” off? The thing computers have taught me is, they’re anal. So you have to endlessly do trial and error. Try: works? Leave. Try: don’t work? Undo whatever, try something else. If you hesitate, you’re lost, they win. Hence why I have two laptops on the go, plus two “readers,” including a refurbished HTC phone which in dire straights I can convert to phone and basic computer modes. It can read thumb drives (data sticks) directly, without using a regular computer. Great for uploading books and saved emails. Off topic. Try that settings button, show ’em who’s boss!

        Liked by 1 person

    • Yes!!! You are awesome, Justin! Lol…

      Thank you for filling in the blank! It was honestly driving me nuts that I couldnt’t remember the words…

      And I like the analogy you drew. Makes perfect sense actually… 🙂


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