“Crossroads… (Take 2)”

This morning I am driven by a dream and a vision, both about a crossroads of three.  And discussing it with my roommate reminded me that I had once written something about that, not so long ago.  It occurred to me I should look it up, as perhaps it is relevant to me today.  (I often write the map before I arrive in a territory, then forget where I put it, so I’m left to stumble on blindly with only a vague recollection of what I’m trying to accomplish.  Lol!)

In this case, I’m glad I tracked it down.  Thank you WordPress for keeping my writings available and somewhat organized!  I want to share that story again, as today it means so much more to me…

Enchanted Forest 2015 Photo by Lisa Palmer

Standing at a crossroads, and what do I see?  Three paths that I could take today, if I choose to take any.  Three…  I’ve been here before, at this particular crossroads, many times, I know…

The left path I know very well indeed.  It is rugged and twisted and difficult at times. Marked by high adventure and extreme emotions: love, pride, excitement, anger, sorrow  and grief.  It is the place I feel most at home, leading past a lake, and a swamp, and a forest of mystery.  I never know for sure what story will find me there, but I will feel every moment of it in exquisite detail.  Of that I am sure.  As sure as I am that it will bring me back here, eventually.  For that path is a circle, however deformed;  no matter which twists and turns, and side roads I may take, here is where I always return…

And after travelling that path for a day, or a decade, I am always relieved to get back to this place, standing calm and free before the crossroads of three…

And needing a little less excitement for a while, I have chosen the middle path before, as well.  That path runs straight and unbroken to forever, and beyond.  Rarely deviating for more than a step or two, I can count on that path to always run true.  It is the path of mundane existence, of everyday life; predictable, even boring, but relatively safe and unmoving.  There are no pitfalls, or loose stones, or narrow places where I might lose my way; I travel it when the low road has taken its toll, and my spirit needs rest and healing before continuing.

But there comes a point when predictability becomes stifling to all things creative, and my soul yearns for something more than an eternity of safe, easy travel.  I look forward, down that endless road ahead, and realize I cannot breathe; I am drowning in sunlight and crave a cool dark place.  If I am lucky (and I have been so far), I will find a small opening off to my left.  And when desperation drives me to seek that place, I wind up wandering once more down the low road of shade…

And, eventually, inevitably, it will lead me back here, to this magical crossroads where I choose who to be…

But I have never once taken the right path before, and I cannot help but wonder why?  I have looked down it, of course, out of pure curiosity, but never have I found the courage to actually commit to that walk.  Is it false humility that holds me back, or self-sabotage,  or perhaps simple fear?  The unknown can  be intimidating at the crossroads of three.  For anything can happen here, magickal or mundane, and my thoughts must be reined in and directed, lest they loose chaos upon me…

So what is it about the high road that frightens me so?  For surely I’m due for an adventure by now; and what would be more adventurous than an unknown road?  If the low road is my emotional journey through life (my empathy, struggle, passion, and creativity), and the middle road is my stability, then surely the high road offers something else of my self; something I desperately need to be complete!

I look to my right and realize that the path there is steep; too steep, perhaps, to tackle today.  I’m tired.  So tired…  So weary, indeed, that all I want to do is lay down to sleep.  The green grass I stand on is soft and inviting, and I cannot resist the urge to sit for a moment.  No need to rush while I stand at the crossroads, for time has no meaning here.  So I lower myself slowly to the soft earth, and sitting, I contemplate all that might be before me.  And gradually…  Inevitably…  I start to doze…

When I wake (?) I feel refreshed, and ready to go, and I know there is only one path to take.  The high road is calling me strongly and definitely.  And I have stalled here quite long enough…

So I pick myself up and head to the right, to see where the road not taken might lead…

The first steps are easy, surprisingly so, given how steep it appeared from below.  But it takes little effort to climb that first hill, and I’m feeling strong and more sure of my choice with each step.  About a dozen paces in, the path veers sharply left, out of sight of all I have ever known.  I walk confidently forward, unafraid…  In fact with each step taken, I feel less and less.

“Interesting…,”  I muse aloud.  Then I laugh at myself, because truthfully it isn’t really, anymore.  The higher I climb, the clearer my mind, so that soon I am not thinking much of anything at all…

Eventually I reach a plateau, so I stop for a moment, taking the time to explore my surroundings.  It is then that I notice the others around me, all seemingly intent on their own personal journeys.  A dozen or more all standing around, waiting (?), and not one of them even acknowledging the others…  A soft breeze blows through us, all standing there, and it vaguely occurs to me that it actually blows through us.  And with that light breath, all breathing ceases, and suddenly I am lighter than air.

I sense myself rising gently, like a balloon casually released, softly bobbing and drifting on currents of warmth.  All around me the others are rising as well, each showing vague signs of emotion after all. I see delight, and hope, and wonder, and awe; I see doubt, and suspicion, and trepidation as well.  As I climb higher I drift into a much darker place; alone now surrounded by stars and empty space…

Here is the beginning, and the end as well, the vastness of Everything amid the background of Nothing.  Here is the All infinitely expressed, composed of particles infinitesimally small.  And I am alone, surveying creation.  When I hear a thought, mine but not me…

“Everything, all of it, is yours right now; tell me what you want, and it shall be so…”

What I want?  What I want?  Anything at all?…  Eagerly I look to my heart, seeking its greatest desire.  But there is nothing there at all…

Confused, I try to reason it out; after all, there must be something I want…

Fame, fortune, or luxury?  Surely those must appeal to me!

But no, not really, not now anyway…   Why would I care if others know who I am, since who I was no longer exists?  And what would I do with money out here?  Turns out it is integrally tied to society; without anyone to trade with, it means nothing at all.  And luxury is something a body requires; if I don’t have one, what use would it be?

OK, then, how about love, passion, comfort and creativity; surely one of those must appeal to me…?

But no, not really, not now anyway…  I am Love, so I need none to fulfill me.  And passion and comfort are nothing more than feelings; I left those below when I started to climb.  As for creativity, that is mine by right and reality; what I lack right now is an idea of what needs creating!

All right then, perhaps I should seek insight and understanding, enlightenment and wisdom?

Laughing, I realize even that hope is futile, for here in the heart of creation, they mean little at all.  The only piece of the puzzle I haven’t placed yet is this one I’m learning right now.  And that lesson tells me the truth of it is, I lack nothing, so I want absolutely nothing at all!

Then how about for others; can I not want for them? Maybe a little peace on that distant planet, and a strong dose of brotherhood?  That seems a worthy goal, at last, something to wish for, after all…

But here in the ethers, I seek naught, for I am already found.  And so far away from my earthly existence I feel nothing really; detached, I feel no desire to intervene at all.  Let each who exist be who they are, deciding their own fate, choosing their paths…

“So be it!,” says the voice that is mine but not me.  “And so it is done…”

Empty now, I drift through space, observing but not interacting with fate.  I am free, untethered from the chains I once wore, leaving me infinity to fully explore.  Eons might pass while I faithfully witness, or maybe no time at all has gone by.  And free I may be, but move I need not, in order to see what all can be seen.

And then…

In some time…

In some space…

It occurs to me…

A little companionship might be nice…

“So be it!,” says the voice that is mine but not me.  “And so it is done…”

And stretching, I wake on a bed of soft green, sitting up to contemplate the choices before me.  For I rest at a crossroads, and what do I see, but three paths laid out before me.  Three…

Then a voice approaches from somewhere behind me…

“Any chance you’d like some company?”