Reflections

“Dear Soul…”

So, I came across an ad the other day that intrigued me.  It said that before you were born, you created a plan for this life and the lessons you would undertake; it claimed you “wrote a letter to your soul so you would know what to expect”…  (I don’t recall the exact source, but it was some sort of metaphysical site, I think, perhaps one focusing on numerology.)  In any event…

I found this idea fascinating, especially as it arrived on the heels of my recent frustration in discovering my “life purpose.”  Like most people, I think, I tend to go through phases.  Sometimes I’m relatively certain what I have come here to do and learn, while other times I struggle to understand why I even need to get out of bed in the morning.  And more than once recently, in both dream and meditative states, I have been confronted with the simplest question I have ever been asked: what exactly do you want?

Yet I have been unable to answer…

Yes, it’s true that I could no doubt name some creature comforts like more money or less pain.  I could also reach for something beyond my immediate self, like world peace or the healing of Gaia.  I could, with a little effort perhaps, come up with something original or creative that would serve both spheres of influence – my own and that of the community and world I live in.

But there is something about that moment of confrontation that stills both my thoughts and my tongue…

I don’t know if it’s the enormity of possibility that paralyzes me in that moment of truth?  Or if, perhaps, it is the feeling of certainty that accompanies the question that whatever I speak will manifest, and so I must needs be still and silent until equally certain my words will accomplish my desire?  I have even wondered occasionally if that sudden freezing of thought, word and action is indicative of some heretofore unavailable level of enlightenment…

All I can say with certainty is that in that instant of confrontation, there is nothing present in me other than the question itself.  I feel nothing.  I want nothing.  I have absolutely nothing to say!

And then the moment passes…

And later the frustration rushes in to fill the emptiness…

“Why didn’t I ask for this?,” I will ask myself angrily…  “Why didn’t I ask for anything?!”  Why would I let such an opportunity pass without even attempting to engage it?!  Right or wrong, at least by asking for (or speaking, as the case may be) my desire, I would be bound to learn something valuable!

But I don’t speak…

In fact, I find I can’t speak in that moment; I can’t even think…  Why?

If it is true that we are born into this world with some purpose, or some basic plan or curriculum of study, then it might also be true that we are free to leave (to die) when we have accomplished said purpose (or at least made significant progress in that direction).  And since my greatest goal in life has always been to die (a seemingly inevitable win for me some day!), and since it has been so infamously denied to me so far, I can only conclude it is because I have unfinished business here.

Yet I remain clueless about what I should be doing now…

So…  In acknowledgement of this cosmic synchronicity, and my recent “gift” for redefining time and its “normal” operations, I have decided to open that letter now and read what I had to say.  I think I need to know…

And if any of you feel inspired to read yours and share, please do that techno-magic stuff you do that links our posts, so I can follow the trail to you.  Perhaps by sharing our soul letters (or portions thereof) we might learn and grow together.  Just a thought, I suppose…

So, here goes nothing…

Dear Soul…

I know you have questions, which is why you are reading this letter now…  I also know you have answers, which is why you are writing it now.  That being said, where should we begin?

If you have reached a point in your life that you are ready to read this letter, then there are certain things that have likely already occurred.  You have, for example, already discovered the “purpose” of your childhood, discovered your soul family dynamics, and integrated those lessons into your sense of self.  You have also, no doubt, gained a better understanding of what makes you “different,” and how to use that different-ness to enhance your journey.  And now you are wondering what is left for you to do…

If so, I cannot help but smile at your determination and single-mindedness, for you are not easily distracted from your path.  And perhaps, that is the clue you have been looking for…

Your element is Water…  Own that.

Like Water you are adaptable and relentless: you will proceed no matter what obstacles attempt to halt or slow your progress.  And like Water, you dig deeply into things, always winnowing out that little bit “more” from every human experience.  You are tidal in your moods, placid on your surface, but hiding great depths, even from yourself.  And you are prone to viscious and dangerous storms on occasion…  Does this tell you what you want to know?

Sigh…  Of course not.  I know…

Ok, then…  In keeping with the Water element you embody, you are driven always to lower ground, seeking the lowest common denominator from the experiences available to you.  Turn around and look at where you’ve been.  Do you not see the channel you have carved behind you?  You started at such great heights, but you have steadily descended, seeking out the basest forms of human existence, both in yourself and in the world around you.  You feel like you have no influence, no power or control, yet you have left a chasm behind you to mark your passage through this life…

So…  What is your purpose today, you may ask?  What is to be found beneath the bedrock of society today?  What lies beneath the foundations of Life itself?  What is the nature of “purpose”?  What is at the very core of earthly existence?  What is at the center of every living being?…

These are the questions you should be asking now.  Dig deeper, my Soul.  Push further.  Seek and you shall know, eventually.  Look deeper into what you know, and you may come to understand; knowledge and understanding are not truly synonymous…

You are uniquely equipped for this journey, dear Soul, for we have created you thus… “More” shall be revealed!

With much love and trust…

Your Source (Self)

 

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13 thoughts on ““Dear Soul…”

  1. … if only you will choose again,
    this once more, to be born,
    to carry existence as Atlas carries the earth, continually
    and with unchanged diligence, though tricked into it,
    though he thought he had escaped.
    — Jane Hirshfield, from “Sleeping in the Afternoon,”

    I suppose all ISSA beings carry in their infinite minds a sense of purpose. The problem with being “here” as “on earth” is this is a world dominated by forces and Powers that use “souls” as slaves and toys with which to enrich themselves, and amuse themselves. To this end they have contrived a “system” (the Matrix) to hide memory and dis-empower. That leaves individuals to fight their way through, or to accept “whatever works” as if there were no choices.

    I’d say, based on observation and experience, that few people actually have an inkling or awareness they could have a life purpose, or no more than what sheep in a corral have. There are some who do break out of the enchantment of the Matrix and begin to awaken to new possibilities. Seems to be where you’re at. Good. Now you need to define yourself and live accordingly. As simple as it is difficult, as your inner quest indicates.

    I’ll tell you this: living at odds with the programming is something done moment by moment. Every moment is a challenge. The Matrix tortures you mentally, psychically, so you will stop struggling and return to mehing and bleating. The Matrix needs you dependent and will do all in its considerable time-proven power to return you to the fold; to rely upon “the shepherds” and to toe the line. You’re looking to become self-empowered: that makes you the enemy.

    Liked by 3 people

      • Dang, and now I have to go back and look at what I done writ I don’t remember. I was in the middle of a lunch break conversation with my helper of the day when I replied. I must’of thunked I’d knowed wot ‘n tarnation I was on about… gotta check to see what you don’t agree with… you and about 7 billion other Earthians…

        Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks, Sha’Tara, for the validation and the support. I do get a sense of the struggle these days, though I often find myself watching, as though from a distance, at the same time I’m participating. I will, for example, watch my mood swing from one extreme to another, while nonetheless feeling detached from my emotions completely… It’s an odd sensation, to say the least. Lol!

      Does that seem “normal” to you, or explainable through your Matrix model? Just curious about your thoughts on that… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well, I’ve thought about it. “What I see is…” if we’re talking Matrix, and if you are deadly serious about escaping its endless traps, then at the moment you are standing on the edge of a mental worm hole wondering if you should jump in, and how far it’s going to take you, and will you lose yourself there forever.

        So the question is, are you ready for the ride of your life, or do you want to hang on to the you that is forever slipping into your past? The question is, what do you want right now? That is, have you found an all-consuming purpose for your life? If you know that, and you feel ready for total commitment, what’s holding you back? Is it fear? Is it doubt? Is it attachments to something, someone, your own reputation? Or do you want a guaranteed return ticket before you board?

        If you take the red pill… there is no return ticket. Everything you knew, or thought you knew, is gone. You’ve closed your book and sold all rights to it. You can’t take it back and make changes or add to it – it’s no longer yours. Mentally speaking, you have nothing, not even your own life. You are “dispossessed” and I use that term in both senses: dispossession from possessions, including the body, but also you are no longer possessed by the Matrix. You no longer exist in the normal sense.

        Personal experience: I went through this in 1982. I “lost” myself in something I only vaguely suspected existed. But in my case I had attempted suicide so nothing to lose, I was “already dead” and I didn’t want to return to what I had been. So I was ready for anything, didn’t matter what.

        You’re familiar with the “near death experience” concept? From that I was rescued by people I didn’t know I knew. Very professional, very smart. They fixed my body, basically like new and they ‘sat me down’ for a serious talk. Long and short, they made total sense (and they were also completely in line with New Testament gospel teachings I was very familiar with) and they gave me an agenda for personal and permanent change. Within moments I was apprised of a different concept of how life works; I was learning a different “language” of detachment, self-empowerment and compassion. The Teachers were three incredible people I will probably remember for eternity. The vehicle I would travel in: compassion through detachment which gave me understanding of living in joy and sorrow. They said that “empathy” was the one over-riding sense humans must exercise in order to qualify as humans. It’s the sense that the Matrix “blue pill” is designed to kill. Emphasis: the people of earth, which they dubbed “Earthians” are NOT human beings. Humans revere life; they do not kill. When I pressed them on that point they said that a human would give her/his life for another but would never, ever take a life to save its own. Finally, some truth.

        In the exchange, I “lost” everything, Lisa. Home, family, friends, possessions – all gone within about a year. I became a pariah to all those who knew me, especially among my religious, environmental and political “friends.” But I had something so beautiful and powerful it didn’t matter. I could have gone anywhere in the world and functioned normally. I chose not to; stayed in the same town, among the same people and gradually many of them came to see the changes I represented, and I gained more friends and “family” than I had before, only now without conflict because I didn’t use the bullshit angle any more.

        Since then I’ve empowered myself to do what I always wanted to do: serve people; help; support; care. By myself, without selling out the those ubiquitous charitable orgs., or even community services. Just me and a passion to share life.

        So I see you standing there, as I have seen so many already since 1982. Many tried; many made commitments, but in all but one case, they expected me to be there for them, to serve as a guide, or guru, or teacher. They wanted meetings, prayers, meditations, recommended books, etc. That’s not how it works. I refused to be there for them and they went back to their old stuff: hedonism, church, even Buddhism. Still looking but always holding back.

        What do you want to be, Lisa? Choose correctly and you will pay an enormous price for that choice… but you will also find such a joy within that you will eventually start wondering how you ever managed without it. This is what I know. All I know. It’s all I can give you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Bless you for this kind and thorough response, Sha’Tara! I can feel your compassion in every word…

        And while I admire your wisdom and experience, and “learn” a great deal by interacting with you, I assure you I’m not looking for a guru (or even a hand-holder at this point). Which is not meant to devalue your contribution; rather it’s about me owning my own journey and taking full responsibility for my choices. Which leads back to that same, inevitable, question…

        What is it, exactly, that I really want?

        And as I read/heard the words again, this time coming from you, I noted my reaction, while muted, was still the same: absolute stillness descended upon me, holding back all thought, feeling and reaction…

        Clearly, my intuition recognizes the import of that question and its consequences. And since I cannot answer it (yet) with the necessary level of commitment, I choose to defer answering once again. Though in doing so, I finally acknowledge it is the very same question I have spent a lifetime (or more, perhaps) avoiding. But soon, if my intuition holds true, such a decision will be forthcoming. I cannot, nor will not, avoid it much longer…

        Thanks for all your input, dear lady! You are a cherished part of my “community” today… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Lisa.
    You’ve written out a very deep and detailed view of the question which has been bothering ‘Us’ since ‘Us’ became able to ponder ‘Why?’
    I do like your letter to your Soul; there is a clear underlying theme of optimism.

    Us Christians of course have to make a whole slew of complications, in which we manage to mix up Free Will with Pre-destination, and then confuse everyone by saying ‘Ah God has a plan for each and every one of us, but we won’t necessarily listen because we’re flawed and stubborn’….and leaving folk to wonder (‘Errr….yes?).
    Well that’s my view of the whole Faith, but I say it with a kind of fondness (except for those who insist they know who is evil and who will burn in Hellfire or get physically attacked in the name of Jesus Christ….eeesh!)

    Anyhows, back to the ‘Fondness’ bit. The whole of Creation is so very complex and we are only very small parts of it, it is difficult for us to get our individual and collective heads around the whole business. In our own small spaces the vast majority of us know what is ‘Good’ and we know what is ‘Bad’ (that will drive some of a more philosophical frame of mind in fits I know, but they’ll have to put up with me won’t they?), on the simple basis of perception and experience. And there we go…..
    So I suppose my letter would read something along the lines:

    Actually, I’m being serious here, it’s just me in my quirky way.

    Well, you are still here in one piece despite your efforts to the contrary.
    You know all those thousands of mistakes you made that make you wince when you think about them? Try not to repeat them.
    You believe in God from a Roman Catholic perspective. That does not mean you are allowed to look down on anyone who believes differently.
    Ok, so Life is limited. You’re time will come. Then you’ll find out a bit more about Creation.
    In the meantime, do all you can for your family. Never give up. Keep on keeping on.
    Oh yeh, do try and get those novels properly written and sensibly published.

    Take care.
    Never give up.
    Roger

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love this, Roger!! And thank you for sharing a portion of your soul letter with me; I am honored…

      I think one of the things I admire most about you is your authenticity; you say what you mean, and you mean what you say. More importantly, you actually live according to your principles and beliefs. That is impressive!

      And the only part I might disagree with is the idea that we are “only very small parts” of Creation. I think we feel that way, and maybe want to feel that way (so that we are only avcountable to and for ourselves), but that the truth is, we are much “bigger” than we think…

      Or, perhaps, what we think is what makes us bigger. Hmm…

      Reach for the stars, Roger! They are closer to you than you think… 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • Hi Lisa.
        Thank you. So kind of you. Though ‘things’ tend to go out of the proverbial window when I get onto the subjects of punishment for certain crimes.
        Good point about our ‘size’ in the scheme of things . This is what I love about the natural melding religion, cosmology (the very, very big) and quantum (the very very small). All things are possible and can happen at the same time (and sometimes in the same place).
        Ohhh the stars: When my time comes to shuffle off this mortal coil I am going to ask (very politely…… if I can fly about the Solar System for a few hundred thousand years- so much to see).
        Take care
        Roger

        Liked by 2 people

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