Reflections

“Blessing or Curse…?”

I have a vivid imagination.  I always have.  Sometimes it is a blessing in my life.  It aids me in all things creative, including my writing.  It enables me to construct whole worlds where I can spend my time; worlds so real to me that their lessons and experiences become part of my daily growth; worlds so real to me, they are often indistinguishable from the one my body inhabits…

Which is where the curse part begins.  Because sometimes, I cannot tell the difference between them.  Sometimes my imagination conjures images and lessons that begin (and belong) “elsewhere,” but they are so vibrantly alive that they begin to take root here, in mundania, in my daily life.  But my daily self is not so well equipped to deal with them, as is my visionary self.  So trouble often follows…

Sometimes I succeed in constructing a fantasy so real to me that I begin to see signs of its manifestation in the “real” world.  But luckily (maybe) I recognize it early enough to deflect it slightly, so that it manifests completely, but for someone else…  The earlier I notice, the better able I am to cast it off, the more likely it will touch someone unknown to me.  But it often returns to me in story form, told by someone else, every detail complete and recognizable.  And sometimes, I barely catch it at all, and must watch it unfold for someone close to me.  And sometimes that is hard to do…

Not because I wish harm on someone else, either, as you might assume from what I’m writing.  It’s not that at all.  My clearest, strongest fantasies are mostly what others fantasize about – comfort, security, love, recognition, success, etc…  And yet they still bring harm to those who “benefit” from them…

I don’t know if I am actually creating these scenarios, or if I merely sense them developing, and transcribe those sensations into a story line that flows and follows.  I don’t know if the impulses that birth these stories are mine or someone else’s.  I don’t know if I am truly casting them off to taint an Other’s journey, or if I merely release them in time to witness to whom they really belong.  And I don’t know if the “consequences” of such success stories are inherent in the stories themselves, or a reflection of my unwillingness to claim them…

What I do know, is that I have recently crossed paths with Others who are “living the Dream” I wanted for myself.  Different versions for different folks, but the details of each are telling.  And yet…

And yet, not one of them seems truly happy or content…

Was I wrong about the things I value?  Are they not the kinds of things that could bring happiness and contentment to me?  Or are they not working out because of some other, unforeseen, reason?

Is it prophecy or manipulation I’m experiencing now?  It’s hard to tell with all that has been happening.  Now that we’ve begun to see the levers and gears that operate behind the curtain of what we call reality.  Now that Time itself has become quite malleable…

What I also know is that this process, which used to work so well for me, no longer serves me, and I have yet to find a replacement.  I used to seek refuge in my fantasies, when the mundane world became too much.  I used to try out different possibilities there, before acting them out myself.  But now…

But now…  I’m never sure which thoughts will play out in the world around me.  Now, when I seek these other realms to explore what options I might have, I find my steps faltering, just as I cross that line…  Now I practice a rigid, impulsive self-control that stops such thoughts before they fully form.  Just in case, you know…

And it feels silly, really, to worry about such things.  I mean, who does that, anyway?  Why concern my self with what has not yet happened, when so much truly is happening now?  And why care if it manifests, especially if it’s happening to someone else?  Especially if it’s a “good” dream I’m making now?

I cannot be responsible for how an’Other lives.  I cannot be responsible for how they use these gifts.  I am not raining curses down upon them, so I have nothing to feel guilty about; all that I have wished for me, and (maybe) cast upon them, is for success, prosperity, comfort, and hope…

And yet the smell of burning flesh still haunts me, and follows me around…

Everywhere.  Every time.  Every day.  My senses reel under its omnipresence.  A memory, or prescience?  Damning either way.  And I am left outside my comfort zone, wondering yet again…

A blessing or a curse…?

 

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14 thoughts on ““Blessing or Curse…?”

  1. A blessing or a curse? … “The Lady or the Tiger?” … Choices we must make whose consequences we may infer from history, projection or raw experience, but we cannot know for sure. We are “The Uncertain” within “The Unpredictable.” For most this is hardly an issue: they just carry on and practice the fine art of irresponsibility. Once you awaken however; once you are branded by empathy borne of compassion, responsibility becomes everything, and because so much is left undone, and to chance the weight of it could be crushing. When troubled with deep introspection that won’t stop it means we are hesitating on the edge of commitment. We are of two minds, thus miserable. Imagine you’ve spent a month planning a trip to the sea shore. Spent money for accommodation; clothing, and anticipated the day you would run into the sea, plunge in a wave and swim in buoyant salt water. You get there, right to the edge and suddenly you fear that you may be swept by the undertow, or your swimming may not be good enough or… or… Life to be properly lived demands – that’s right, it demands – commitment. Once that commitment is made, life holds us to it to a fault. It’s not New Year’s resolutions these, but life commitments. After, well, we’re in the game and we play to the best of our ability, learning trick upon trick, letting go of petty beliefs and concepts, fleshing out this commitment we made… and never looking back. Never. Thus equipped, a person can go up to those two terrible doors and pick either one. What comes out no longer matters because we are beyond that moment already. A blessing or a curse? Let it be both, then there is balance. All curse and despair follows. All blessing and all is meaningless. Easy to write, quite another trick to actually live this way, but Lisa, it’s doable. I’m 70 years old now and I’

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  2. (WHAT THE???) Anyway, continuing, …and I’ve had a stormy by great life, great because it brought me here. It will be over soon enough, and I know I will look back on it and regret all the times I failed myself; regret all that I could have accomplished that I didn’t because of pettiness or smallness. Well, no one knows this better than me, but one thing I don’t regret: the choice to live a life somewhat at odds to that of the rank and file; committing myself to becoming an avatar of compassion. That choice has been both, a blessing and a curse. Joy and sorrow. But it has taught me how to control my emotions; how not to live by them but by mind power, by logic. Do we affect others; do they pick up our thoughts and create with them? Of course! The more powerful an individual’s thoughts are, the more others will pick up on them and act on them. We don’t have to say much, it’s mostly energy. Also, to touch on a difficult concept of mind (and this becomes more a matter of belief) we are made up of “partials”, bit of other peoples’ minds, from everywhere and everywhen, with our own being the “boss” of the outfit. We are pushed and pulled by these others, some giving, some taking, and these also spread our own thoughts abroad. That’s how we “make things happen” or create with our mind, or should I say, our minds.

    I sure hope this doesn’t read like a damn lecture, not my intent. Just sharing ideas. And now, to bed!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You both sound like my sisters. SiSTARs. And here I am, having gone through quite a heck of a lot at the age of nearly 55, and it seems some of my dreams have manifested by some near me, and I have seen what same with their material gains, and for some, this destroyed them bit by bit, and I no longer speak to them.

      Feeling pretty sure of having signed poverty contracts in a previous life. Along with memories of being burned at the stake, more than once. And of being in Visionquests and being a dreamwalker in Egypt, and other times of such simple lives, high in the mountains of Tibet as a Buddhist monk. In India more than once, and at the age of two I said I had been a princess in India.

      When I think of the rushing around involved with sustaining a highly “successful” life I am so thankful for the life I have now, although am so ready to move on to the next step with my healing business, and soon rent an office.

      At one point during some of the wildest dances with Trickster over the past fifteen years it was pointed out to me what gifts I truly do have in this world. I, too, have a very vivid imagination, and have been so blessed to experience some rather large miracles involving people and nature which forever transformed me, and make my small flat seem not so small, blessed there is a large lawn in front of it, but so ready to live in a house again, a small house, but not too small, just enough space for me and the cats and a room to massage in which can be family visiting room, for my family is vast.

      It certainly has now been revealed to us what the mechanisms behind the curtain are. Of course, it’s been lifted for a long while, it was just that the mass brainwashing scheme worked so well.

      So pleased to be part of this Time when Time itself is warbly and we step into our power as multidimensional beings, for so long we have waited for the Great Awakening.

      It is an honor to share space with such wise friends. Many blessings.

      Kamea

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      • “It is an honor to share space with such wise friends. Many blessings.” And the same to you in return. I love it when people make the effort to remember their past lives, or aspects of them, or when they engage life beyond the imposed boundaries of the Matrix. All the best to you in your endeavours.

        Liked by 2 people

      • You are a blessing in my life, Kamea; Light and Love pour from your every word. When I feel “down” or overwhelmed, you often help turn that around for me. Thank you for sharing this time with us…

        And that makes three solid anchors on our continent, spread out to cover its vast distance… 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, Lisa, I feel the same about you. You are also inspiration!

        Anchors of the grid, holding them in place here in North America. The ley lines run right under Norman. Many blessings of love and light to you today and every day!

        Liked by 1 person

    • “We are “The Uncertain” within “The Unpredictable.””
      Love this line, Sha’Tara! My whole being is jumping up and down excitedly when I read it (metaphorically speaking, of course – lol!). But talk about a quotable line!

      I see you met the impish quirk that posts your comment before you’re done. He was at your site last time I visited, too…

      And I admit to being intrigued by this “partials” bit. First time I think I’ve truly heard that, but I like it…

      Ahh… commitment and responsibility… Sometimes I wonder if choosing the “high road” was worth it, but then I realize I wouldn’t be satisfied on any road less challenging. Nor would I wish to be anyone but me. That’s got to count for something, right?

      Hope you got some much needed rest, my friend. You deserve it. And you’ve earned it… 🙂

      Like

  3. Yes! I got some sleep, and some easing up of the (self-imposed) work schedule as I prep my service van for the 1000 miles plus journey to volunteer in Fort McMurray, northern Alberta, fixing and rebuilding what we can from those devastating wild fires followed by floods, a year ago. (Just Google map from Chilliwack, B.C., Can. to Ft. McMurray, Alta, to get an idea of the trip.) Some truly spectacular sites as we travel the Yellowhead (Tête Jaune) highway through the rocky mountains to Edmonton. North of Edmonton is my childhood “playground” where I was raised. Brings back memories, not all of them bad. First time ever I fell madly in love was up there… 🙂

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  4. Hi Lisa
    Coming in from ‘The Left Field’
    And there is always the urge to write and record. Who knows just which part of Creation we are trying to tune into? 14 billion years old and possibly 40 (or some estimates say 90) billion light years wide), that’s a lot of Creation.
    Some times comes the feeling it is time to sit back and observe as much of the whole as we are able to and put the pieces we have been gifted with together.
    Keep on searching.
    Roger

    Liked by 2 people

    • Bless you, dear Roger, for always helping me put things in perspective! I absolutely love how your mind can truly embrace both the minutae of existence and the vastness of Creation in the same “space/time”… A constant reminder to live “both/and” rather than “either/or”… (as Sha’Tara also suggested)

      Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Lisa.
        Thank you for your kindness…glad to hear your words; the weather is Muggy hereabouts and there is a lot of nonsense being spouted by the supporters (Not the parties, they’re mostly…well…sort of harmless in a Cosmic way) of both sides in our General Election, so it’s great to read some words which put the whole silliness of anger in context.
        The Cosmos and Creation is where I go to escape all the anger, blindness and prejudice that can be created by people.
        I listen to a pod cast of a discussion about, say the element Carbon and I think, ‘No matter what you lot say, you can’t change how Carbon is’
        I’ve heard some adherents to the philosophy of Logic go on a great length as if it were the true and only religion and I ponder on all the possibilities in Creation and think ‘Oh My. But your thinking is so narrow and limited,’
        Keep on soaring Lisa. There is much to explore and ponder on.
        Best wishes
        Roger

        Liked by 1 person

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