Pushing Through…

Pushing through the pain, the frustrations, the trivial obstacles of everyday life.  Not because I want to, necessarily, but because I feel I must.  Yet I do not always identify with the one pushing anymore…

It’s almost as if I am living a dual existence today.  There is a part of me going through the motions, because curling up and crying serves no purpose at all.  Out there, I am in the thick of things, interacting (and sometimes connecting) with Others, and those brief encounters give the struggle some value or purpose…

But there is an’Other part of me standing still, rooted, watching, but not truly engaging.  That part of me has roots intimately entangled with the trees and animals surrounding me.  I feel the trees tightening their grip on me, wrapping tighter around me, as they settle into their winter sleep.  I wonder if I should be afraid, knowing I will find it virtually impossible to escape?  But I am not afraid.  Instead I feel centered and grounded, strengthened and supported by the community we have created.  I will stand witness over the coming months, while my “friends” heal and rejuvenate.  And I’m quite ok with that…

The future is no longer some distant, vague, ephemeral goal, but a moment existing within and beside me, comingling with what I once called “past.”  But Time itself has become irrelevant and meaningless, serving only as a tool for dissecting current thought.  And, as such, failing to compel anything other than mild, vaguely tangible interest, as my consciousness reaches out to embrace single moments…

Pain…?  Yes, there is a lot of that, though it hardly matters now.

Sorrow…?  Yes, that fog envelopes me, though I choose not to succumb to its influence.

Hope…?  Not so much, though there are instants and brilliant flashes caught in the periphery of my attention.

Patience…?  Yes!  Deeply grounded and totally lacking in urgency, though tiny frustrations frequently threaten the accompanying peace.

Love…?  Yes!  For family, friend and stranger, though I will not interefere with what they are personally struggling.  I have learned boundaries, after all…

Pushing through…  As though the river needs my strength, or the current needs my efforts to move inexorably toward its goal.  How arrogant and humble have I become?


5 thoughts on “Pushing Through…

  1. Hi Lisa.
    We seem to have this capacity to travel many paths at once and not all in the same direction or the same pace.
    To be at one with Nature and to feel the ageless rhythms and whispering songs is a wonderful thing, then our modernist feelings crowd in and cause a conflict.
    There are interlude where the comes the feeling to detach from the numerous clashes and conflicts which our societies and civilisations cause. We can still have our closeness and love with those of or friends and family. But sometimes we need a break from our world.
    And attach to the Ageless one we came from.
    Safe Journey Lisa.

    Liked by 2 people

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