Crawling forward on bloody hands and bruised knees, I fall inward through the door to Center Space again. It is all I can do to just breathe once more, safely reaching this Timeless haven…
“Whew! That was a rough trip ’round this time,” I vocalize aloud.
I understand the necessity for going out there, and the limitations imposed by doing so, but sometimes… I don’t know… sometimes it’s good just to get home again…
I peer out the windows at the other loops visible from here, checking in on what might be happening in places where my consciousness has not been, then settle in to rest a while, recuperate, and consider what this latest effort has taught me.
From here I can see it All, but I can do nothing to affect it. I must leave this sanctuary and travel the loops of Time, if I would act at all. But out there I am so limited (and vulnerable), restricted to what lies before and behind me, in rigid order, with real consequences. Useful for short jaunts, but always heavy with the risk of getting lost, of forgetting this Timeless place where experience can be transfigured into Knowledge. Had it not been for the whales guiding me with their Song, I might not have made it back this time at all…
So… what did I learn on my latest adventure into the trenches of 21st century America?
Reaching for my journal, I begin to write…
I think the Paradoxes I encountered this time around really threw me off balance, for I could not reconcile them out there. That, in itself, was unusual, but the consequences of not being able to were devastating to both my psyche and my soul…
There was the web, for example. It was the trees who taught me of the “underlying” community, the root structure that supports Life and Otherhood. And perhaps it was their long sleep, leaving me without the wisdom they had so easily shared, that left me vulnerable and unaware of the changes taking place. But as the roots awaken, and the sap begins to flow, two things have become clear to me, though explanation still escapes my troubled heart…
First, the web beneath my feet feels stronger than it ever has, but the world I interact with seems shakier and less certain than ever before. If the web is strengthening, should we not be seeing positive results in the world around us? Or has it truly all been for naught? Must we accept that Life cannot survive all the damage we have done, or are my senses merely reeling under the assault of evil so blatantly exposed abroad?
Second, the non-human beings entwined in the web seem to be connecting on a deeper, more productive level. Will they do away with predation as a way of life? I think probably not, as sacrifice has always been a choice that some will make, and what lesson can be learned if no one/thing accepts said sacrifice?
But what is worth noting is that the boundaries between non-human species seem to be fading. They are much more willing to accept, support, and live together in peaceful communities. A living example for humans to follow, or a necessary survival instinct? I do not know…
Also worth noting is the willingness of non-human beings to interact with humanity these days. Are they reaching out in an effort to save themselves, or are they merely demonstrating what is possible when we choose to work together? I admit struggling to “understand” their speech, but there is no mistaking their support, their generosity, and their courage in reaching out to those of us responsible for so much destruction in their world…
I also had the good fortune this time around to meet some non-humans who chose to wear human forms. The Fey, in particular, nature spirits of many kinds, have chosen to live among us humans, as humans! It’s fascinating to meet them, for they remember some of what they are within, especially when they are young. To encounter them, to see that familiar spark in ancient eyes looking out from such young faces, to feel the joy of Life restricted by a very human body in a depressingly human society… well, it was both awe-inspiring and debilitating at the same time. To want to protect them, while not wanting to interfere with their purpose here was quite the conundrum for me…
It’s almost as if all of the Earth’s true beings were reaching out to help us humans in our time of crisis, and yet we still have not made significant progress toward joining them! Which is not to deny the work and effort of many individual people out there. There are many doing their part to rectify things. But none of it seems to be enough…
Laying down my journal, I allow my thoughts to drift, pondering these observations and their significance. Lazily I let my eyes wander, looking out the windows, and wondering what my Others may be experiencing out there. I consider heading out again, but in a totally different direction, needing to experience something a little less oppressive than where (or when) I’ve been…
“Not yet, I think,” I answer myself. “I need to recover first. I lost too much on this last venture, I hurt too much to want to rush back out again. I think I’d rather read a while, catch up on others’ stories, and see what I can learn…”
And so, reaching for the journal once more, I flip back through the pages to see what entries I might have missed…
the otherhood of one 
(Cheating and using the quick email reply button, hope it works!) Well this is one that’s going to require a lot of re-reading and thinking about. Kinda lost me here. I feel like titling a response: Star Woman Meets Gaian Woman… :-\
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Actually that might be fun to read! 😀
As to being lost, I’m not surprised. This one is about me finding my way back to that sanctuary space in my mind where I can see across time, see the different lives I’m living simultaneously without engaging emotionally in any of them…
It has been my belief for decades (our time) that all of my lives occur simultaneously, though my consciousness mostly follows one path at a time. I can, with luck and effort, occasionally switch which timeline becomes primary. While I continue to “live” in all timelines, those lives play out almost like autopilot, so that when I “return” to them, I often require time to “remember” what I’ve been doing there before fully reengaging.
It was one of several mechanisms I used to use to explain the “lost time” phenomena associated with schizophrenia. I may not have been “here” during that time, but I nonetheless had memories of where I was during those supposedly psychotic breaks. This metaphor helped me make sense of, and peace with, that experience…
The journal described here is a multidimensional construction I call The Book of Other, and it was created to explain countless real-life journal entries and creative writing exercises I could not consciously remember writing myself, but that I would later discover lying around. Clearly written by “me,” I nonetheless couldn’t tell you when or why I wrote them, but I often found what was written would somehow become relevant eventually. These days I most often find these questionable entries in my draft folder here…
Anyway, I guess this post is just about me reorienting and redirecting both my consciousness and my goals… 😀
Thanks for having the courage to comment at all, Sha’Tara, as I’m sure you’re not the only one feeling lost. ;D
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Thanks for the explanation, Lisa. It’s your world after all, so it should fit you and when others enter into it, if they feel a bit disoriented, they should be honest enough to say so, and ask for some direction! I live in “weird” worlds too, and I have a lot of writings I don’t remember putting down, but they’re signed and dated by “me” so they must be mine! When I re-post them, I too, try to bring them up-to-date and re-written to makes sense to those who may be reading. I don’t want to confuse people, or give the impression that I’m privileged to be “in on something esoteric that only an in group or individual can understand. There are no mysteries, only those who try to make them so by not explaining properly, or indeed in order to mislead or confuse.
Question to self when posting an old piece: Do YOU understand this fully? If the answer is “not really” then I delete the item in question and move on to the next. Why hang on to a still-born idea?
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“Why hang on to a still-born idea?”
Because Time is a fickle force, and being still-born does not prevent Life from animating it at some other time. There are many ideas I have and write about which might be more accurately said to not be relevant yet, though their time may still come. I have also found that such ideas frequently come demanding to be heard, and if living my life in a world ruled by time prevents me from getting them down in toto, then sometimes quick notes will later jog the memory free; otherwise they may be lost to me.
My opinions change over time, based on my most recent or compelling memories (regardless of what time spawned those memories). Being able to re-read these entries often allows me to consider them with new perspective. It is the “magic” of language I often celebrate in my writings – the “fact” that the same, exact words and phrases, written here in stone, should engender such varied reactions and understandings based on when, and under what circumstances, they are read again…
This is why I avoid the delete button, even if I never choose to publicly share these writings… 😀
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This reminds me a bit of the challenge of shifting cultures. I didn’t always realize that it was something I did automatically until I had to rush from a setting that required me to function as an Ojibwe (merely one of a group of Native people listening deeply before speaking) to a meeting that required me to deal (alone as a forceful advocate) with arrogant academics who thought they knew what was best for tribes. I didn’t have time to shift cultures for the academics and found myself incredibly irritated and overly blunt. Since then, I know I have to give myself time and space to adjust. Transitioning from teaching to writing presents a similar challenge and need to reorient. It often makes me wonder who the “real me” is…
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I would argue that they are all the real you. But that’s just me… ;D
This idea of “shifting cultures” is new to me in words, but profoundly true in my experience. I understand that feeling, that need to shift gears, and the emotional trauma (too strong a word?) that results from too rapid a transition between radically different expectations. It’s like when I’m ripped from a deeply meditative state by someone’s “emergency” requiring me to “ground” on the run; disorienting, disturbing, and painful, often leading to a monster headache.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Carol! 😀
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Hi Lisa,
I am reading back in your “Book of Other” and other posts and am amazed at your grasp of reincarnation, which is not what you are calling it directly, but you parallel a lot of my own thoughts and experiences. The biggest difference right now, I am centered in only one incarnation at present while it seems you are centered in several, though you jump from one incarnation to another, only to allow a present primary to become a past primary/present secondary or tertiary for a space of time.
I am early on in reading your words, but I wonder if I will be able to follow your jumps. Do you have any idea how many incarnations you are handling at this time?
But most of all I am enthralled by your use of the term “Life.” It is very similar to how I myself use the term, at least in some ways.
I hope some day we can have an email conversation of your incarnations, but moreso about the resting spaces you seem to occupy between the jumps. Please let me know if you are interested. If so, I will send you my email.
rawgod
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I do not know a number, rawgod, at least in total. I refer to them as my “Others” (capital “o” to show they are actual beings in their own right), but I often interact with them, even when locked into a primary timeline. There are some more familiar to me, either because we are closer in connection, thoughts, or ideas, or simply because we have often “discussed” things in my memories. Others are more distant, mere hints or shadows upon the horizon, but occasionally we connect through Center Space, or through random entries I may find in my “Book of Other”. (See my response to Sha’Tara in Whale Song, as I shared with her a note I found written by a mermaid I have never consciously “met” before.)
And yes! I would certainly welcome an email exchange! But please use my less common email addy, so your emails don’t get lost in the flood that sometimes overwhelms my primary. You can reach me here:
pisceshawk8@gmail.com
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Thank you for trusting me with this address. I used to have special addresses for different things but as I got older (more senior) I started having memory problems, and started by forgetting passwords and then forgetting the email Addy and what it was for. So I will be writing you from gewcolo@gmail.com
My real name is jerry miller without capitals to show the lack of a transcendent ego, or at least that was the idea at one time. I’ll try to explain another time if you are interested.
For now, see you there…
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Yay! Thank you, jerry. I’m truly looking forward to it.
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