Reflections

I’m Already Gone…

There is a mockingbird calling outside my window today… (not really)… To be honest, I have no idea what a mockingbird sounds like, or if they even live in my part of the world. I suppose there could be one, but I wouldn’t know it if there was. I just like the name, and felt the connection, and the intrigue drew me on…

There is an icy wind slicing through the warmth of the strong spring sun… (true enough)…

There is a sense of expectation welling up inside me, spilling over, spreading out… tainting everything it touches today.

There is an image haunting me – a single line that branches into many separate ones – repeating over and over again. It’s in the bare tree branches only just beginning to bud, and in the broken ones so callously discarded by the wind. It’s there in the pavement cracks created by the spring thaw and freeze phenomenon. It’s there upon my very skin, where age and dryness intersect. And in the movement of the clouds so far above my head.

There is a phrase that’s taunting me, as my mind touches lightly upon discomfort of any kind… it plays itself, distracting me from every other thought… Don’t like what that person has said or done? Doesn’t matter anymore; move on. Got too much to do today? Doesn’t matter anymore; just get to it. Not feeling up to meeting your obligations today? Doesn’t matter; you do what you can. Feeling sorry for yourself today? Ha ha, hee hee, you’re too funny… damn!

And then the simple, all pervasive, perspective shifting thought…

I’m… already… gone!

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20 thoughts on “I’m Already Gone…

      • I’m doing all right, I guess. Really busy, really tired, etc., all the time. So I guess it’s all been pretty mundane and “normal” for me lately. Just too uncomfortable most of the time for blogging, and I can’t stay awake long enough to read anything. Lol! Yesterday was an exception. Lol!

        How have you been doing, my dear friend? As I remember it, you were facing some challenges of your own. 🙂

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      • Yeah, life is not the greatest, but it’s what I got. Had my pacemaker replaced last August, and the doctors tell me it is working wonderfully, but I still have no energy. So something else is not working, but no one knows what.
        Otherwise, a lot of pain in my joints, but I’m not a candidate for joint-replacement surgery, so it’s a matter of living with the pain.
        Beyond that, hey, things could be a lot worse.
        Meanwhile, did I not give you my wordartbyrawgod.wordpress.com address? I built the site for you, but I haven’t seen a comment from you yet. Surely I didn’t forget to send you the address? I entered the “dusk” blogbattle thing because of you. My entry is on that site, “The Eyes of Dusk.” Good luck to you, and Sha’Tara.

        Liked by 2 people

      • I don’ think I have that address, or at least I failed somehow to connect with it. I must check it out. Glad you joined the blogbattle crew! I’m way behind in reading those this month.

        Sending you positive thoughts, hoping you have moments of peace as you struggle through. I know I need them! 😁

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      • The advantage I have over you is being retired, and kind of not having to worry about getting the most important bills paid. My Old Age Pension takes care of those.
        Also, I don’t have to be anywhere I don’t want to be–most of the time. I can pick and choose what to do and where to go. I can make my own moments of peace.
        I’m not going to say there aren’t drawbacks, there are. But it all works out in the end. Of course, that end is now in clear sight, lol.
        So thank you for the kind thoughts, Lisa. I appreciate them.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Well, let’s start with the mockingbird, huh? Greyish bird, about the size of a robin only slimmer. Call is “tcheck” but it is called a mockingbird because its ‘song’ is a repetitive symphony of other bird calls and even human voices. I believe you said you live near the great lakes, so you would be in their Summer territory. They can be found (more likely heard!) almost anywhere, including cities, but not in the higher elevations. That’s our ornithology lesson for today, now let’s wait for another birder to enter the discussion and explain why I’m totally wrong about it… it’s what birders do after all.
    If you are already gone (which begs the question, where to?) then life becomes a going through the motions like an assembly line job? Or, are we talking about detachment here?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the info on mockingbirds, Sha’Tara; that was helpful. 😁.

      As for the rest, I really have no idea. Lol! It’s just one of those phrases that got stuck on repeat in my brain, and it came with no instructions. Worse yet, it blocked out almost every other line of thought by simply being louder. I hoped that by giving it its due (writing it down), it would either become clearer or fade away. It did become less intrusive, but it’s still there in the background, mocking every other activity or line of thought…

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