Reflections

Ch-ch-ch-changes…

Change is good. Change is necessary. Change is difficult. All true…

But not always, and not necessarily at the same time. The trick is knowing when to change, what to change, how to change, and perhaps most importantly, how to prioritize those changes…

Yeah, I’m Heidi-ing you all! Lol!

(I have a coworker who can speak seriously for several minutes on a topic of some concern to her, and when she’s done, you realize you have absolutely no idea what she was trying to say. Her name is Heidi. And when your name has been adopted as a verb where I work, your immortality is ensured; it’s kind of a back-handed compliment, an acknowledgement of legendary status.)

My problem is that change is upon me, but my brain can’t disentangle one change from another, leaving me feeling frustrated and confused. I had hoped that writing about change would help me sort it out, but I’m not saying anything helpful at all…

I’ve been speaking to change for the past week or so, and while I have accumulated quite a bit of it, I now resent the extra weight in my life. And still, the larger fortunes touch the lives of those around me, though it’s certainly closer to home (including my daughter and my roommate)…

Change is upon me at work, as well, one I’ve been waiting years to see happen. It seems to be progressing slowly now, but only because the need for such change has grown exponentially. And now that it might finally be happening, I’m not sure I want to see it through…

I’m trying to broaden my writing abilities by participating in these challenges. Fun at first, when I wrote like me, but not so much while I’m trying to write differently. The flash fiction challenge (blogbattles) is especially challenging. I have always been an “inspired” writer, meaning I take a simple idea, title or prompt of some sort and start typing to see where it goes. When it’s done, it’s done, except for copyediting to correct spelling and grammar, and perhaps smooth over some rough spots.

But now I have to let the whole story play out before writing a single word, then try to craft what I remember of it into something coherent and smooth. Working backwards from the end is frustrating, and boring, since I already know the whole story. So I’m struggling to maintain my interest in an effort to broaden my skills. I expect it to be difficult because it’s so different, but at what point do you simply give up?

One of the reasons (excuses?) I gave up on ever being published again (by self or other) is that I didn’t want to work that hard at it. Writing has always been my release, my comfort, and one of many paths I’ve found that lead to peace. Is it possible to maintain that love and passion when the effort becomes too strenuous? Can there be both pleasure writing and work writing co-existing in my heart and mind?

Hmm…

I’ve read many blog accounts of writing struggles, of how authors pore over every word, multiple times, tweaking, re-writing, agonizing… They sit with a piece for days or weeks, sometimes years (!) before calling a work finished and publishing it. That’s not me. I’m too lazy for that, especially since I started blogging; it’s far too easy to hit that publish button and be done with it. And while it’s certainly possible to go back later and update it, when I realize another word or approach might improve it, I rarely bother. I mean, if my followers receive my posts by email, then they only see my first published draft anyway. About the only time I make changes after publication is to correct spelling errors, and then, only because I’m too embarrassed to let them stand…

I wasn’t always so lazy about writing, of course, though my style has always been inspired. The difference is the technology. I used to write everything long hand, then make necessary changes when I typed it up. If I wanted a printed copy, more tweaks might occur before pressing that print button. If I then had someone translate it into a PDF type file for easier digital sharing, it would undergo more revisions. The reformatting process itself was the editing that most authors practice automatically. The work wasn’t complete until it was contained in a read only file somewhere…

But not anymore…

Things change. And so have I…

And now that you’ve been Lisa-d (assaulted with too many words of too little value, creating a sense of time wasted in pointless pursuit of nothing), only one question remains:

Do I press that publish button or let this moulder in my draft file with so many other pointless and/or unfinished works…?

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15 thoughts on “Ch-ch-ch-changes…

  1. For several years now, I simply stream consciousness through a particular moment or experience or perception I have had. I am nothing, so I do not care for likes or anything as prosaic as recognition for the futility of my existence and my humble shout out to those who deem to listen. One thing I do know, is when I come across such perspicacious souls as yourself, I am both intrigued and enlightened. Thankyou so very much for existing, writing, and for your outstanding honesty. Peace and love to you and yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are far too kind, Gary, but I thank you wholeheartedly for it! ❤️ I’m feeling kind of disgusted with myself at the moment, so your words are especially appreciated. I’m not one who seeks recognition so much, but support in troubled times means so much…

      And, by the way, I happen to love your stream of consciousness writing! Though I must admit that sometimes the words and formatting are so perfect to the topic, that I suspected a little more tweaking was involved than usual. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      • it is a feeling. I carry it until it just comes out. Yes, I do edit the words as I write, based upon my love of the surrealists, and the beat generation (Ginsberg, Kerouac, Burroughs etc) but mostly, I make words out of cheap art (my life). Just like all the others. Perhaps it is because I have been reading and loving word styles for 50 odd years, and it is imperative I resemble me, my way, disregarding rules and history. That is what I also see (read) in your work. I am not being kind, I am being inspired by a fellow traveller, thankyou so very much for that.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi folks. Though I have never read your writings (yet), Gary, I have read much of Lisa’s, and I love her dearly for it.
        Lisa, your macrocosm is my microcosm today. When I wrote “I, Ozymandas” yesterday for the blog battle crowd, I read it over several times and was unsure of the modern Englush approach to a supposedly (missing) biblical text from so far back in time that it seemed to demand being written in King James English, because I could not write it in ancient Hebrew, or even Latin. So last night I went through it and changed it.
        Now, I am not so certain I did the right thing. It percolated in my sleep overnight, and I decided to ask you if you would mind reading the new text, and tell me what you thought of the changes. So I opened up my Word Press when I woke up a few minutes ago, and I found your Lisa’d rant on “Ch-ch-ch-changes…” The timing could not have been better–or worse! How could I ask you to consider my micro-changes when you are in the throes of macro-changes? I swear sometimes our minds are connected (and since I already believe they are why should I be surprised? Lol?)
        So, Gary, I know it is impolite to ask a person I have never spoken to before for a favour, I am going to do this because of our mutual friend. (Lisa, I hope you don’t mind my asking Gary for this favour, but I really cannot conceive asking it of you at this time in your life.)
        Gary, knowing absolutely nothing about me or my writing, would you mind going to https://wordartbyrawgod.wordpress.com and selecting I, Ozymandias. Then, when you are finished reading this short piece of fiction, let me know what you think about the use of King James English? Is it too much for the modern reader?
        If you would rather not, no problem. I will find someone else to do it. Really!
        Meanwhile, Lisa, I will put up another comment for you after my breakfast about your dilemma. Sorry about co-opting it for mine.

        Liked by 2 people

      • You are always welcome here, Jerry, and I always encourage networking through my site. But if you’d like my opinion, I’d be happy to jump in. It will help get my mind off this blogbattle story I’m about to scrap. Lol!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Well Lisa, remember what Alan Watts said, “The more a thing tends to be permanent, the more it tends to be lifeless”.

    So Tubularsock would recommend, PUSH THE PUBLISH BUTTON!

    Then panic!

    Cheers.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Write for yourself, Lisa, is the most important thing, I think. You know who you are. Writing for someone else is like breathing for someone else, can’t really be done except in dire emergencies. If you write from inspiration, what is the inspiration to change? I love the way you write. But only when you write for you.

    Like

  4. Change is the saddle horse. You can’t just hop on and ride; you have to know about the horse, how to control it, how to cinch the saddle so it won’t flip over on you (wait until the horse takes a breath!) and of course it’s up to you to guide the horse where you want to go or it will either not move at all or take you where it wants to go. Change is potential, nothing more. Most of the time we ride others’ change waves and adapt to them barely noticing, as when we change a brand because of an ad.
    For me “change” is what I look back on, not what I would set out to accomplish in the first place. As for writing style, that’s a vehicle. A certain story (a “load”) will require a certain style of writing which may not work for another story. There’s paragraph, there’s dialogue, there’s verse, there’s micro, short and novel. Quite often I start with one and it naturally morphs into another more appropriate. I’ve started verse that turned into short stories, ditto with essays; short stories became novels because I couldn’t stop them from “growing” and so on. Nothing to fret about, there’s a flow to all of this, just as there is to living… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • That flow is the point- getting and staying in it. Sometimes my resistance gets in the way, but usually not for long. Luckily I believe I’m guiding the horse; whether it’s true or not is open to debate. 😉

      Like

      • If the horse is going in the direction you intend and that direction is new, then you’re guiding the horse. A horse would not take a new direction on its own unless it was part of a stampede. That, of course, isn’t change, just movement! Many people consider motion as change but ask a piston in an internal combustion engine and it will tell you: motion is not change!

        Liked by 1 person

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