Today the past came calling in a dreadfully (yet exciting) day, when I found myself, quite literally, a few decades astray. For a time (pun intended) it was so real that “surreal” meant something other than the exotic rush such words are meant to convey; it became an apt descriptor of the times I found my Way!
I saw myself, I felt myself exactly as I was then. And just as suddenly I knew my self exactly as I am. There was no awakening accompanying this moment, no reflection…. No epiphany at all. Just a lifetime of remembering in an instant of total recall!
There was joy and sorrow, grief and regret, a happiness I still haven’t experienced yet. There was laughter tainted with madness, and tears diluted with grins. And a sense of belonging so deep in my be-ing, it choked on my definition of One.
I heard Her voice, I claimed her rage; I understood it as my own. I passed it on to others because I sensed it could be done. And when the terror rushed in, seeking its attention, I tossed it aside quite easily; a flick of the wrist, a tiny twist, and… poof… instantaneously gone!
But wait! No no no no no no… Back up! Rewind! Slo mo! Before I forget, I must admit… I must admit….
What?! Or when? Or why (always why)?!
Who is She and how… am I?
Too late! Too late… It echoes… Reverberates.
…
Now. What was it I was trying to say? Hmm…. Sorry. So sorry. I think…
I forget.
And far away… in distance? In time? An emotionless voice in a vacuum, a void…
“Sorry. So sorry. But this model’s been recalled.”
the otherhood of one 
If you had it for one incredible instant, Lisa, you can have it again, or at least the memory of it. Never let that memory go. I had my moments when I was 19, in the summer of ’69, and they have sustained me ever since. This is why, even in my most depressed moments, or in times of pain or heartache so unbelievably horrible, I always have a smile on my face and joy in my heart. I know what is possible, and the memory will be with me till I die. And maybe beyond…
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I’m so glad you had that experience, Jerry! And I’m gladder still that they have sustained you through such difficult times. 😁 But that’s not what this post is about; it refers to that moment of death when Time condenses and clarity comes. And then immediately fades again…
My bad, as the author, for not making that clearer. I often wonder why I choose to speak in riddles, allusion and mixed metaphor? I suppose it has to do with my belief that sublime topics like Life, Death, Truth, Reality, even Time, can’t be adequately described in the words of a single language. At least not by me. Lol!
Or…. I’m just a very bad writer. 😉
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You are not a bad writer, I am a bad reader. I’m too old to fool around with metaphors and such anymore.
There are a lot of things that cannot be properly said in English, but if you are like me, and are only fluent in one language, you can only do the best you can. English is a marerialistic language, and is not meant for other endeavours. I struggle with it all the time.
As for talking about death, my experiences were as near to death without actually dying. I think they are related.
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Ok, fair enough. 😁. But really, I don’t believe in “bad” readers. If someone is reading your words, then it’s good; what they get out of it has more to do with the skill of the writer, and their ability to evoke the appropriate feelings and/or thoughts.
Some of my issue as a writer of non-literal works is an attempt to dialogue on multiple levels, or in multiple dimensions simultaneously; trying to incorporate multiple messages within the same text. Not only is this piece personal to me (describing a personal, albeit subjective experience), but it is also intended to “remind” others of similar such experiences, long forgotten perhaps. It also captures something of what the already dead have conveyed in their confusion over their current state of being. And finally, it acts as commentary about humanity as a species, the lack of respect for Life, the disposable culture, and the failure as caretakers, makers and creators.
In other words, too much “meaning” in too few words. Lol!
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I thought you accomplished all that. The thing is, the reader cannot read what they are not aware of. If they don’t value Life, or even life, they cannot have respect for it. And in my experience, most people do not appreciate the fact they have life, they take it so for granted.
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Too true, I think…
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Besides…. It may still be a work in progress. The first paragraph isn’t right. One word off. One word is all. But I haven’t found the “right” one yet, so it has a placeholder instead. One day it may come back to me, as I originally “heard” it in my head, and I’ll be able to fix it, but it seemed too petty to fret about a single shy word when so many were eager to be spoken…
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