Reflections

Questioning my Self…

If I inhabit a reality of my own creation, which I truly believe I do (at least intellectually), why have I not created a more beautiful place to live?

Where is the love? The justice? The sense of equality that I would expect from me?  Why are we all still suffering?  In misery?

Do I truly need continuing lessons on compassion?  Or is it detachment I’m working on?

I feel sad…  So sad.  I’m not depressed; just sad.  I look around me every day and take note of all the suffering taking place, my own included.  I acknowledge that life isn’t fair, and changes are upon us, and that each and every being I encounter these days is struggling with something of significance to them.  We are facing our deepest “issues,” whatever they might be – financial, health, purpose, faith, loss, grief, codependency, addiction, relationships, career, etc…  And it is no longer enough to compare apples and oranges to find “relief”…

I take no comfort in saying “at least I’m not dealing with [that] today!”  Or “thank Goodness my crisis is only financial!”  I don’t need to compare my suffering to others to find gratitude today; I am well aware of how loved and lucky I am…

But that does not diminish my “suffering” today, for my financial insecurity is the one “issue” which I have never satisfactorily resolved; it has always haunted me, and it continues to do so.  To minimize its impact on me, and the way I live my life is a disservice to my Self…

But yes, there are many, many others who are suffering much more than I am, within their own personal hells…  And I don’t need to minimize or overstate their suffering, either, in an attempt to balance scales.  I simply accept that we are all suffering, and this world we share truly is hell!

So…

Why?  I ask my Self, “why?!”  For when I cannot “solve” a problem, I seek to understand instead.  My powerful Self could create a “happier” place, at least for me.  Why haven’t I done so?

I need to know…

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Reflections

Dis-Engaged…

Dis-gusted…       Dis-eased…     Dis-gruntled…     Dis-empowered…     Dis-placed…     Dis-enfranchised…   Dis-pleased…     Dis-traught…     Dis(orDys)-functional…    Dis-interested…     Dis-obedient…     Dis-approve…     Dis-entangled…     Dis-like…     Dis-advantaged…     Dis-believing…     Dis-ordered…    Dis-affected…   Dis-agree…  Dis-assembling…     Dis-aster…     Dis-allowed…     Dis-associated…     Dis-abused!

Anyone else feeling “dis-sed” these days?

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Reflections

“Where have you been?!”…

…someone recently asked me.  “What have you been up to?  I never hear from you anymore!  Anything new happening?”

I thought about those questions, and my responses…  and then I laughed out loud.  Literally!

Because the answers are obvious… yet irrelevant.

I’m here, where I’ve always been; locked into my own consciousness and its journey, wherever that leads me…

I’m up to no good… but no bad, either.  Judgment has deserted me.  But I happen to think that’s a good thing…

You never hear from me because I have nothing to say that may be of interest to you.  Truth is, most of my revelations lately have been of an entirely personal nature; as in relating to the day-to-day me about day-to-day things.  And while I’ve certainly followed some interesting blogs/stories about those very things (and consider my own to be in a similar genre), the fact is that I try to restrict my personal musings to topics that might reflect others’ discoveries.  So, sharing my work issues, or finances, or other completely self-oriented stories seems a little “off topic” for me, unless they reveal something more universal underneath…

As to what’s “new”?  How about everything… and yet nothing!

What about active timeline shifts; do they count?  Because they have become much more obvious lately, and downright transparent!  How do I know this (aside from my own experiences of them)?  Because I see the looks in peoples’ eyes when I casually throw out a remark about “just another timeline shift…”  They used to have that cautious, knowing “uh oh, here we go again” look in their eyes.  Then it became the “deer in the headlight” look.  Now it’s a shrug, and a nod, and an “oh, good… if that’s all(?)” kind of look I get.  Is there any more to say to that?

Today I read a one line blog post from someone I’ve followed for a couple of years; she’s been a “reliable” source for me, keeping me abreast of what’s happening outside my limited field of vision.  The post said, essentially, that this reality is all fake…  That’s it.  A simple, but important reminder…

I then went on to read other posts, from her and other people, scrolling through my email from most recent to older ones I hadn’t read yet.  I was intrigued to find at least two other posts from her directly contradicting former positions she’d held!  I had to re-read them a couple times to make sure I hadn’t misunderstood.  But no…  The words were there, black on white, perfectly understandable, yet completely foreign coming from her…

I went on to read other people, discovering post after post contradicting what I believed to be true…  I was bewildered, to say the least!

Then I remembered the first thing I’d read, which was actually the last thing that had been written: everything in this reality is fake…

And I laughed.  What else can you do?  It’s just another timeline shift…

And maybe I do have have something to share after all…

*shrugging as I walk away…*

 

 

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Conversations, Reflections

Contradictions…

On gossip, preaching and politicking…

Heart (to Mind): Why do you spout such nonsense, knowing it isn’t true, or worthy of you?

Mind (to Heart): Because I like the sound of my voice in my ears?  Makes me feel more in control, safer and more secure…

Heart:  Lies!  Deception! Propaganda!

Mind: Exactly what makes it “speakworthy” today…

Heart: But Truth resides with me, in Silence and in Peace…

Mind: Yes, of course… But such silence makes people suspicious, puts a target on your back, as everyone seeks to engage you.  I am protecting you!

Heart: ???

Mind: Trust me… *wink*

Heart: ?! ?! ?!

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Poetry, Reflections, Visions

While Midnight Rules…

The winds of change come swirling…

circling…

Chaos rules the “ordered” world.

The Shadow revels in its power now

immune to your “morality”…

claiming time and space,

and “victims” unawakened.

“You have been warned…”

the Voices gently whisper.

“Lay no claim to ignorance,

silence your defiance…

embrace this new alliance…

in the name of seeking Balance.

Let go the fear,

the doubt…

Let go suspicion, too…

Lest each or any gain ground here,

and learn how to control you.

Discipline is your greatest asset…

As darkness dims the light,

so, too, does light illumine shadow,

becoming One, in shades of grey,

when Self takes hold the reins!

Define your own reality…

Identify your boundaries…

Defend your own immensity,

in this place of small infinities…”

…?

Define your own reality!

In this time of immorality…

Embrace your immortality…

while midnight rules the psyche…

 

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Reflections

The Shadow…

With the passing of the eclipse, the Shadow takes center stage…  What does your Shadow Self bring to the scene?

For me it is an understanding, hard to accept, one steeped in what I would have formerly named “negativity.”  Now I call it “reality.”  My reality.  My understanding.  My Shadow at work in the world I live…

Not everyone is worth saving, Lisa, and no one (other than yourself) is your responsibility…

Harsh words, I know, but true for me nonetheless.  And I had to follow my heart (my bleeding liberal, loving heart), to a distant place to find that truth within…

This past weekend I travelled to the Serpent Mound in southern Ohio to view the eclipse.  I wasn’t sure why I was there, but I knew I needed to be there.  Something terrible and tragic once occurred there (in my personal karmic history), and I was finally ready to face it.  But nothing in the work I’ve done prior prepared me for what I would discover during this pilgrimmage.  The “answers” I sought, the forgiveness I craved, was not a destination at all, but a journey.  Every moment of that experience counted, and momentum built, until the eclipse itself merely punctuated it.  Three days later the “truth” I uncovered begins to sink in…

People are… horrible!

Not everyone, of course; I recognize that.  But the vast majority of us are so focused upon ourselves that we cannot truly embrace others.  We cannot grasp our “true” place in the universe.  Even those “spiritually enlightened and evolved” ones I once counted as family are not free of destructive self-delusion.  I watched them desecrating sacred ground in pursuit of their enlightenment, each believing themselves to be an exception to the rules, because they were special or had “good” intentions.  Each displayed a shocking (to me) lack of respect, even when asked to “correct” their behavior.  “No, it’s ok,” they’d say in all sincerity.  “I’m just meditating here.  I’m not harming anything.”

Define “harm,” I’d think to myself…

I became unbearable to be around, as this “truth” started to seep out with my Shadow’s growing presence; so much so that my travelling companions needed to point it out.  “This isn’t really like you, to be so negative.  What’s going on with you?”

Indeed…

But I think it is me now.  At least for a while.  And it isn’t just me, either…

Since I’ve returned home, I’ve discovered other “always positive” folk taking “negative” stances.  A friend who manages to keep a light burning, no matter how many storms she encounters, telling me, “I’ve had enough, Lisa.  I’m too tired to care anymore.”  A fellow blogger I admire and follow, in part for her “silver lining” philosophy, saying, “Enough already!  I’m done playing by the rules of expectation!”  And myself writing poetry I don’t bother publishing because it adds nothing of value to the discussion; merely pointing out that “innocence” and “willful ignorance” are closer kin than I thought…

So, no…  I have no words of “hope” to say today.  I have no real faith in humanity today.  I believe we are on our own journeys now, more so than ever, and that we will find a way to evolve individually, or perish through our self-destructive efforts with the vast majority.  And I’m ok with that today.

There is power in the Shadow, but no true morality.  How you choose to direct that power is entirely up to you.  I wish you well on your journeys across the dark side of the moon, and genuinely look forward to meeting some of you again, when we reach the “other side”…

 

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