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PSA: No, I’m not ignoring you…

Just a quick note to let those of you I regularly follow know that I have been trying to interact. I receive your posts via email and read them when I can. But lately WordPress has blocked me from interacting; every time I try to “like” or comment on something, it asks me to log in and then rejects my password. The same happens when trying to respond to comments on my own blog.

I will try to figure it out eventually, though right now is not the time. I just wanted you to know that I’m still here and still reading you when I can… 😁

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“Red Daze…”

Awash in a red haze

full of rage

but impotent

unable to enact, or expect,

Change…

Injustice rules

the few stand mighty over the rest

engendering distrust

and weakness…

For who should be held accountable?

How might they be justly served?

Who shall mete out punishments?

Who shall judge their worth?

Hypocrisy, double standards…

A refusal to acknowledge such,

even by those most affected

by the criminals who stole so much!

This cannot be the way it ends!

For Life demands balance…

Yet Nothing tips the scales back

toward center mass…

Nothing changes in the end…

*** ***

So let it end already…

Let Nothing have its day.

Let darkness rise among us,

overwhelming this red daze!

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What Is the Body?

“Ask, and you shall receive.” Or so the prophets and mystics say. Or, in my more personal terms, “Have your temper tantrum, then open your eyes and heart. The answers (or some) are out there!” I needed this perspective desperately to break through my prison trap!

Spirit and World

I experience the body as an intricately woven concentration of events. Although we have invented multiple scientific fields to describe the body, the body itself is unified and coordinated – chemistry, biology, physics, and other disciplines (some yet undiscovered), are occurring simultaneously! It’s a multi-dimensional network, continuously forming and reforming….

The body is not a thing. It is a process. It does not have sharp edges or a boundary – not even what we see as the skin.

Our science has not yet understood the body process enough to properly infer its sphere of influence or its capabilities. Until then, if we train our attention, we can use our consciousness to explore the body deeper.

The body is a nexus that serves as a bridge for consciousness to express itself. It is a circuit, of sorts, but incomplete. The wires are there, but many are not connected to each…

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Panic Without a Cause…

There is a near panic running through my veins tonight, a panic without a cause. It started last night as a vague, ill-defined fear that I tried to push aside. But it’s come back now, with a vengeance, and not knowing why is only making it worse…

“Let’s face it, Lisa dearest. You may have many faults, and quirks that make you weird. You may have real mental illness issues, even if you manage to blend in. But random anxiety attacks are not your thing, and panic is not your style!”

“Don’t you think I know that?!,” I respond too sharply. “Don’t you think I get that?!” I cannot seem to keep the panic out of my own voice tonight; I cannot even fool myself!

But the truth is I do my best work in crisis, staying calm, focused and on task. I may not be a physical asset when sh*t breaks loose, but my thinking becomes crystal clear. I am definitely someone you want in your bunker when all options are on the table, for I will see the “best” course of action, almost intuitively.

Tonight, though, I cannot find my way through tangled threads of time and truth, nor can I make sense of muddied waters all around me. There is nothing here! Nothing to do! There is only the panic, the shallow breathing, the racing beat of my own heart, and nothing (absolutely nothing!) to blame it on!

“Ok, child, breathe… Just breathe… Seek not, for those answers may not yet exist. Wait… And let the truth come here to you.”

*** *** ***

Sitting in the darkness now

hidden safely in the shadows.

Breathing strangled, but steadier,

heart rate coming down…

WIth my heart and mind,

expanding on all sides,

exploring every timeline,

claiming what is mine.

But the source of this eludes me still,

defying every effort,

every tool I’ve ever used,

leaving me lost at sea, baffled and confused.

“Wait! What is that?!,” as blood pressure begins to rise.

“Swooping shadows overhead,

circling…

then flying high to deeply dive.”

I’ve seen this pattern, recently,

earlier tonight.

There was a single seagull flying

over me, as I waited at that light.

Exactly this same flight path;

I remember thinking it was odd.

And last night, on the porch,

the same pattern mapped by moths!

Calm begins to settle over me,

as my thinking ratchets up.

“Yes! There is something significant in this…

Of that much I am certain!”

But what does this dance represent?

And who is doing it?

What spirit or form of self

is dancing this pattern tonight?

For it isn’t “me” or one of mine

enacting this persistent ritual.

But someone else entirely…

Or should that pronoun now be plural?

Yes… yes… I’m on to something now.

I see a circle, and a fire, with dancers all around.

I cannot hear the music that they dance to,

though I can see it in the way they move and sway.

They dance for peace and healing,

but they draw danger in with every swoop and swirling turn.

It circles in, drawing closer every round…

I’m not sure they even sense its presence as their feet beat an incessant rhythm on the ground.

Euphoria cut short…

Battle lost before weapons are even drawn…

My heart weeps for those who will be lost,

with the rising of the Sun…

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In Through the “Out” Door… (an addendum to “Incomplete”)

(I just found this other “incomplete” draft in my folder, dated February 26, 2018. The theme seemed too coincidental to ignore. Not sure what the point is, as neither post is complete, but I suspect the pieces and parts will add up eventually…)

Going in through the out door,

just to see

where it might lead

and what might lie ahead

for me…

*** ***

When I was a kid I was fascinated with puzzles. Still am, actually. I love them all – crosswords, jigsaw, word searches, mazes, logic problems, cryptograms… well you get the idea. The only kind I truly suck at are brain teasers, both the word ones and the physical ones; I can never figure them out! Odd, really, to be so good at so many different kinds of puzzles, but then, to have one type (just one!) that I can never, ever solve. Even with instructions, I will falter, time and time again. And it’s not a single puzzle, but a type that does me in. How strange is that?!

So, what is it about brain teasers that are so different from other puzzles that I cannot solve them? I have no idea, and perhaps that is part of my struggle.

But I am always amazed by those who easily can solve them. You know the type. Ask them a riddle; they hesitate a moment, looking off into nothing, then nod and spit out the right answer. Or hand them a 3D puzzle instructing them to take the pieces apart and put them back together; they turn it over in their hands, test move a couple parts, then nod and proceed directly to the solution! But how, I wonder?!

I’ve been told it has to do with spatial perception, an ability to see the puzzle (and its pieces and parts) in relationship to each other. It’s an innate ability that all humans possess, just to greater or lesser degrees. I am apparently a “lesser.” But all other puzzles, I excel at.

Why?

I’ll let you in on a secret that I’ve kept to myself since I was very young: puzzles are easier to solve when you start at the end and work your way back to the beginning.

I discovered that when doing mazes. I don’t know why it works, seeing as how you have to traverse the same twists and turns in the labyrinth, but it always (always!) went faster that way. So much so that it often felt like cheating. Which is why I kept it secret until now.

And every type of puzzle has a similar trick that makes it easier to solve. Jigsaw puzzles – start with the frame, then fill in the details. Crosswords – find the long answers first (solve the theme, and the rest falls into place). Word searches – look for words you can see, then go look at your list. Cryptograms – find the “e”. You get the idea…

What they all have in common is this: start at the end and work your way back to the beginning.

*** *** ***

Only once did such reasoning fail me. I was on a Volksmarch in Germany with a friend of mine. We were late starting, but we got in just under the wire. We walked the trail to the halfway point, got our cards stamped, then turned to finish the walk. Suddenly I had the brilliant idea that we should just retrace our steps to the beginning. The trip home from anywhere (the same route) is always faster than the trip to your destination, so I figured it would save some time. And happily we headed back toward the beginning, following the signs in reverse…

Until we made a wrong turn, and as we made our way back to the trail, we passed the volunteer vehicle that was picking up the signs. Apparently, since the start was closed, they were getting a jump on clean up.

And there we were, lost, in unfamiliar woods, with no signs, no phones, no common language with the locals. I remember that mistake, even today. Vividly!

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Incomplete…

 

***     ***     ***

This was a little ditty that consumed me yesterday, an incomplete poem, an unfinished thought…  I saved in in my drafts, waiting for it to develop either during or after work, but neither occurred.

My tendency then would be to let it settle, trusting that I could add to it should more arrive.  But today, discovering that I am currently living on two separately developing timelines, as my known and current self…

I just felt I needed to share it, incomplete, acknowledging that it might reappear at some future time, more developed, and with clearer intent and/or purpose.  In the meantime it remains here uncategorized in publication, as I truly don’t see how it fits…

But please consider it both friendly advice and friendly warning for now.  Assume nothing today, as nothing is what it seems (pun or double entendre intended, even if I don’t know which it is – lol!)

Keep your hats on today, friends – the winds of change are swooping through and the ride will be choppy at best.  (Now would be a good time to take that spiritual Dramamine you’ve been saving for just such an occasion as this!)

😀  ❤

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