Reflections, Visions

“I Want it All…”

“I want it All…

I want it All…

I want it All…

And I want it NOW!”

(Repeat)

“Here’s to the future…

to the dreams of you/youth.”

(Excerpts from the song “I Want it All” by Queen)

***   ***  ***

Stuck in my brain, on endless repeat, for three days now.  First thought upon waking each day, last thought before drifting off to sleep, playing over and over and over again through every moment of my timeless days…

I don’t even know if the lyrics are correct, at least the last line, and I remember nothing else from the song.  I’m sure the order is off because I can hear the music in my head, and there is an uncomfortable shift/gap between the lines.  But none of that matters.  It isn’t about what is “real” or right, but rather about what is obsessing me…

I was “gifted” with a piece of meteorite (much heavier than I would expect it to be), and found myself “called” to collect a small Lemurian Crystal.  The meteorite, when engaged, placed me in the center of a spinning gyroscope, with dimensional planes shifting around and through me.  I felt certain I had acquired a “key” between them, as well as a vehicle in which to “safely” experience these planar shifts…

When I combined the two in meditation, I met “Bekkah,” a young Pliadian.  Not extraordinary, not “special,” just young and open and full of eagerness.  This was her crystal, “programmed” not with data that might save or enlighten the world, but with her fondest hopes and dreams…

And in the background, I saw my Self, as multiple beings, existing across time (as evidenced by apparel, appearance, and accessories), all superimposed, one upon the other.  I thought at first that it was a chronicle of “past lives,” and some were familiar to me; others were new and unexpected, including both gender and species shifts.  But it came to me today, as it all played out behind my eyes again, that it was not a record of “past” lives, but rather concurrent ones.

I am All of these beings, simultaneously and without contradiction.  All are happening now.  And “I” am more simple and complex than even I had previously imagined…

Just something to think about…  😀

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Conversations, Reflections, Stories..., Visions

“A Lesson on the Evolution of Rocks… and things.”

The Teacher led us to a rocky ledge, basking in the early morning sun, and bade us sit and make ourselves comfortable.  “Steady your breathing and claim your space,” she instructed us.

After some time had passed, she sighed deeply, and began to speak…

This stone I’m sitting upon is warming beneath me…,” she said.  “It’s almost as if it’s absorbing my own heat energy and reflecting it back to me.  Why do you suppose that is?”

No one responded…

Hmm…,” she mused aloud.  “Rocks evolve in a crucible of heat and pressure.  When the proper levels of each are achieved, they transform themselves into entirely different form.  Same matter, maybe (?), but a totally different expression of it, with different qualities, different strengths, different weaknesses…  The same, but different…”

She paused a moment, seemingly lost in thought.  Silence reigned upon the rocky knoll…

So the question then becomes, for me anyway… [a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth] … are the rocks then feeding me (by warming me), or are they feeding off me (by draining off my heat energy in the first place)?  Is the growing heat beneath me reflective of my healing or my weakening?”

Silence held the listeners’ tongues…  Laughing, she turned to look at each of us in turn…

Did you all follow me up here to listen to me talk to myself?”

One seeker spoke up, hesitating and awkward…  “I feel only good coming from the rock I’m with.  The experience is pleasant, comforting, blissful…  I feel more grounded, more centered, more… whole somehow…  I think the rock is helping, rather than hurting me,” he concluded quietly.

Ok, then,” the Teacher responded.  “From your perspective the rock is serving you…  Beautiful!  Wonderful!  How empowering and validating it must be to be loved in this manner!…”  She turned and looked sharply at the speaker.  “But why do you suppose the rock should choose to serve you this way?  Does it gain nothing from its interaction with you?”

Another seeker spoke up…  “Perhaps the good feelings are merely a side effect of the draining of energy…?  Some predators drug their victims so they don’t realize they’re in danger until they are too weak to respond,” she suggested.

Ahhh…,” responded the Teacher.  “In which case, the very rocks upon this Earth may be our enemies, draining us, enslaving us to fuel their evolution…?”

The student did not respond…

Seems curious to me,” mused the Teacher, “that we have so many ‘stone masters’ in our collective human history, if we are indeed their slaves.  Perhaps that is part of the shared delusion the stones create to bend us to their will…?”

Silence settled once more upon the small group.  The sun warmed as it rose higher in the morning sky.  The humans warmed,  absorbing its heat and light.  The rocks warmed, creating a haven of peace and serenity, soothing city souls…

“It seems to me,” a third seeker began, “that everything in the Universe, in Nature, revolves around the principle of exchange…  From the grossest planetary matter, to the tiniest sub-atomic particles, all forms freely exchange energy.  Each expression of matter may use that energy differently, but we are all using the same energy…  Why, then, would this be any different?  Why cast it as an either/or question?”

He looked directly at the Teacher…  And continued.

“Can we not suppose, perhaps, that the exchange of heat energy between us and the rocks is of mutual benefit somehow?”

Interesting question,” the Teacher responded.  “Perhaps we could explore that a bit…?”

When no objections were voiced, she began to speculate aloud…

So, the rock absorbs my heat energy to use for some internal process, and then returns that heat energy to me, making me feel good…?”

No one in the small gathering responded…

But is there then a purpose to this exchange, beyond the mere cycling, or recycling, of energy…?”  Chuckling softly, she continued, mostly to herself.  “Talk about the proverbial waste of time…”

“Unless…,” the third seeker began.  “Unless the rocks transform my heat energy in some manner before returning it to me…?  In which case, it’s not precisely the same energy…?”

Smiling broadly, the Teacher looked directly at the third seeker…  “From which we might conclude that we also transform such energy before passing it back to the stones…?  Or other beings we might encounter along our way?”

“Like bees!,” another seeker exclaimed.  “We, as humans, have mobility that the stones do not innately possess.  I mean, they move, of course, but not nearly as easily as we do.  Perhaps our mutual exchange allows us to carry the stone-transformed energy elsewhere, while leaving some residue of our travels behind!  Such an exchange would benefit both parties, empowering, informing, even directing the evolution of all matter…”

Another seeker jumped in, excitedly… “Gently pushing us all in the same general direction…”

And yet another seeker found her voice…  “Both pushing us forward while reigning us in, so no one form alters too dramatically in a single step!”

All eyes focused on the Teacher…

She sighed deeply, drawing in the early summer morning, then lay back upon her warmed rock.  The seekers waited, expectantly, though none could voice their need.

The same… but different,” she murmured softly.

Soon the Teacher’s gentle snoring became part of the ambient summer soundscape…

 

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Reflections, Visions

Detachment…?

The clock on the wall keeps ticking, but the hands no longer move…

Because Time no longer motivates me.

Voices argue down the street, louder and louder, but the words no longer mean…

Because language never truly captured or communicated what was real.

Sadness, sorrow, grief wash over me, but tears no longer fall…

Because acceptance of what is, is, and my heart does not resist.

Peace wraps itself around me, as my eyes begin to lose their focus…

Because clarity comes to the Observer, relieved of earthly pleasures.

And I see…

That I am not alone, nor disconnected here from Others; rather we are joined in spirit, thought, and understanding.  Holding “hands” as all we’ve known drops out beneath us.  Free floating in a place without gravity to hold us, without severity to sink us.  Gently holding on to what is real for each of us… in a space with no time, no boundaries, no real limitations.  Just us.  And what each has chosen to live with…

I will not judge you on your choices, for I have made my own.  And each will be responsible for whatever seeds we’ve sown.  There is no “right” or “wrong” here, and “fairness” does not exist.  A redefinition is occurring of what we once called Justice.

The truth, as I see it (little “t” intended), is that choices surround us All. Depending on your perspective, belief and expectation, you alone can choose what path calls loudest to you…

Some may face a fork ahead, choosing left or right; envisioning a world where all is black or white…

Some may face a crossroads, where many paths may merge; joining forces, they move on to where their spirits urge…

Some may find themselves at the center of a wheel; all paths entering, even circling, but never truly leaving…

Whatever path awaits you, friends, I trust you will choose well.  At least you will decide your fate, as only you can for yourself.  And if you feel helpless, drowning in the chaos, chained to time and space…?  Try letting go completely, before it drags you down…

Detachment…?  Or apathy?

Surrender…? Or acceptance?

Cowardice…?  Or conscience?

The choice is always yours…

 

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Reflections, Visions

“12 Trees…”

I see 12 trees,

standing in a ring,

swaying back and forth in time

powered by a swift spring wind…

The early morning sun kisses their upswept arms

granting each a halo

befitting their stature

while shadows rule beneath…

Birdsong echoes in this forest place,

rustling in the fallen leaves…

Beltane celebrated the old-fashioned way

By those who need it most…

Wishing All a blessed season of growth and healing!  ❤

 

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Dreams, Reflections, Visions

“If you want to lead…”

Interesting dreams and experiences this week, summed up by my dreams last night.  I don’t remember details so much, but the message was clear…

“If you want to lead… lead.

If you want to teach… teach.

If you want to heal… heal.

If you want to speak… speak.”

***

For months now, the messages I’ve gotten have been consistently about stepping back and allowing Others the space they need to decide their own course of development.  I’ve actually become quite proficient at minding my own business.  Not perfect, by any means, as there are always times and situations that create a compelling urge to react, but much better than I previously did.

And now that energy has shifted.  Now, I’m told, we may begin act-ing again, though perhaps not in the traditional sense.  For example, if we envisioned our selves as leaders in this “new” world we wish to co-create, we will not achieve that end by handing down orders or controlling others, as leaders did in the old world; rather, we shall lead by example only.  Get your hands dirty, or get out of the garden!

Likewise, if we fancied our selves as teachers, then we must live our truths rather than preach them.  Words mean nothing today without action.

If we imagined our selves as healers, then the work must begin within.  It is not enough to use words like “should” and “ought to” to describe the path to wholeness.  We must become whole ourselves, and guide others by those actions…

And if we have something to say, we must take responsibility for both the words and the tone of our messages.  Communication is a two-way street, and while we cannot take responsibility for how another interprets our words, we must endeavor at all times to say what we mean, and mean what we say.  Freedom of speech is not a free-for-all arena anymore, by which anyone can justify and legitimize whatever stray thoughts may leak out; consequences will occur…

That being said, I feel lighter and more energized than I have in months.  Obviously, these have always been goals, but now they are imperatives.  And with that comfort of certainty, that awareness that rightful action can once again lead to just outcomes, I feel relief as well as a tightening of the reins of self-discipline.

We are, as always, who we choose to be, and we are free now to reclaim the power of becoming who we’ve always wanted to be.  Be brave.  Be wise.  Be responsible, my friends.  And be free!

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Dreams, Reflections, Visions

The Trouble with Time Travel…

We are standing on the banks of a river, wide and slow in some places, narrow and quick in others.  He says to me, “a good time traveler skips across the river of time like a leaf…”

“A leaf?,” I think to myself, and immediately translate it to mean “stone”.

“So, like a stone, I would touch down only briefly, moving quickly along, and allowing momentum to carry me forth.  That way I could move forward or backward in time, but maintain a linear progression in whichever direction I choose to travel…?”

He looked at me blandly before adding, “or laterally.”

“Laterally?,” I asked, momentarily confused.  

“Ohhh… of course!,” I added.  “I could skip across the river of time, rather than following its flow!…  But that would allow me to be in multiple places at one time, wouldn’t it?”

He just looked at me and said nothing…

“Oh, right,” I responded when I figured it out.  “If I’m skipping across time, then I’m only touching down briefly in each place.  Therefore I can’t actually be in two places at once.”

He turned back to stare at the river…

“But wait!,” I finally began again.  “You originally said ‘leaf.’  But leaves don’t skip across the surface of a river; they float.”

He looked at me, but said nothing…

“So you’re telling me not to get too involved, perhaps?  As in float across the surface, rather than sinking down in, to any particular time?”

His return to staring at the river told me I’d gotten it partially right, at least, so I decided to continue playing with the metaphor…

“The leaf has no anchor holding it in place, so it’s entirely dependent upon the currents…”

As we watched, a leaf manifested on the surface of the river, gliding slowly with the current, spinning gently…

“Allowing me to view each moment from a variety of angles as I spin slowly on the surface of time…”

The current picked up, drawing the leaf into a vortex where it whirled in a circular current while still spinning itself…  Faster and faster it spun, while circling around the whirlpool…

“Well… that could be disorienting,” I pointed out, already feeling just a tad bit nauseous watching it.

A long, silent look told me he was not amused…

“Ok, then,” I continued, admitting to myself I was just a tad bit annoyed at his lack of humor today…  “So… being a leaf on the surface of time allows me to revisit a moment over and over again, while also viewing it from multiple angles…”

“(Assuming I can actually view anything through the haze of nausea drowning me…  Or keep track of anything I have viewed, while it’s all spinning out of control!”), I muttered to myself…

Suddenly a gust of wind blew by, as if irritated with me, picking up the leaf and dumping it unceremoniously somewhere else on the river.  That was followed by a cross wind, which snagged a corner of the leaf and lifted it away, leaving it to flutter randomly back to the surface…

I turned to stare at him, standing calmly beside me, unmoved by the wind or the dancing display of the leaf…

“A leaf skipping across the river of time, indeed!  Powered by the winds of change, I presume?”  I must admit I was unable to erase the sarcasm entirely from my tone…

He simply smiled, smug and snug in his version of the truth.

“But how the hell would I keep track of where or when I am?!,” I demanded.  “The movement is completely random and nonsensical!”

He turned to look at me fully, a truly amused smile on his face, and finally spoke once more to me.  “Be light.  Be flexible.  Be free.”

Then clasping his hands lightly behind his back, he sauntered off, walking along the bank of the river whistling a happy tune.  And leaving me behind to experiment, extrapolate and learn…

***

Which I have been attempting to do these past… ???  days.  And it has proven every bit as nauseating and disorienting as I feared it might be.  Until today…  When it became somewhat disturbing as well.

It began with a dream in which I was travelling with my oldest friend (whom I haven’t actually seen in a while).  We wound up in a situation very similar to those we used to get into as kids (or I did anyway).  And like it often happened in our youth, she went into another room while I stayed to see what trouble I could cause for myself…

My instincts told me to leave; that I had no business being there, that I would be disappointed with myself again (!) if I stayed.  The third party in the room with me was a stranger.  Until he wasn’t anymore, morphing disturbingly into another friend who has shown a propensity of late to repeat destructive patterns of behavior.  I said, “oh hell, no!  I am not doing this again!”

I got up and walked away, heading over to the next room to collect my other friend before leaving…  And simultaneously waking myself up.

I was relieved upon awakening that I had chosen not to fall back into that trap, but still disturbed by how easily I walked into it.  Like nothing had ever changed.  Like I had never changed.  I knew at once that there was something from my past still haunting me, though I could not name it now.  Having completely forgotten it once, I thought it was over…  But the dream warns me it is not…

I put it away, and went to work.  When I came home, I checked in with Facebook to find not one, but three separate messages (from three unconnected individuals) waiting for me, all telling me exactly the same thing: there is something from my past reaching for me, and I need to let go of it immediately; it is “dragging” or “weighing” me down, depending upon the source of the message…

In addition to those was a message from my long time friend in the dream, making and confirming plans to meet tomorrow…  Or today?…  No coincidence there, I think.

So…  the problem with time travel as I see it today, right now, from right here, is that it’s impossible to keep track of where, and when you are.  And it is far too easy to stumble into something you’d thought you left behind, and would prefer not to encounter again.  And being light and flexible and free has only allowed me to touch the surface of this thing; without depth, how do I exorcise it completely?

***

Tapping my foot impatiently, I wait for him to return to explain these things to me.  Knowing full well, already, that he may not be inclined to do so.  And there is nothing… absolutely nothing… I can do about that today.  I may be strong and stubborn, but I cannot push a river where it does not choose to go.

“The trouble with time travel…” I shout out defiantly…

Then I turn and run for the woods.  I think I may actually be sick this time…

 

 

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Reflections, Visions

Cascade… Blocked!

There is an experience I occasionally have that I have affectionately named a “cascade.”  It is a revelatory moment that becomes an epiphany that alters every aspect of my life.  As you may know (if you’ve read more than a post or two here), I tend to explore topics on multiple levels (researching, analyzing, feeling them out), and I tend to explore multiple topics simultaneously, never being content with simple 1+1 kinds of equations.  Sometimes those tendencies lead me into murky places from which I struggle to escape, and other times, they allow me to make connections I might have otherwise missed.

There are rare occasions, however, when the “results” of several such “investigations” suddenly coalesce into a single, blinding moment of revelation, where their connections become apparent, and their implications become immediate and pressing.  The experience is akin to putting together a jigsaw puzzle.  You study several individual pieces carefully, learning the subleties of color, shape and size, pondering how they might fit together.  And then someone hands you the box with the completed picture on it, and you suddenly “get” it, knowing exactly where they belong in the big picture!  And so begins the cascade…

Because as you place those pieces in the puzzle, you are suddenly reminded of other pieces you glanced at but rejected, knowing now, of course, exactly where and how they fit together.  And the more pieces you fit together, the more connections you remember, until the puzzle seems to be constructing itself, and you are only the tool being used to reunite the whole…

What distinguishes a “cascade” from other revelatory experiences for me is the speed and breadth of the discoveries made.  In fact, it doesn’t gain the title until those revelations/connections begin occurring so rapidly that I can no longer consciously follow them; it’s like the neurons in my brain are firing so rapidly, in so many directions at once, that all I can do is sit back and allow the experience to run its course with as little interference as possible.  I know, from past such experiences, that all will be revealed in time.  It might take days, weeks or years for me to fully comprehend the full scope of the changes, but those changes (to my knowledge, personality, and motivations) will be immediate and permanent; the only task being to discover how they have changed.  Until the next cascade occurs…

So…  yesterday.

I set out to explore the world as a newborn child, seeking the wonder and awe of discovery, defying the “rules” of science and society.  But, of course, I had to do grown up things, like go to work.  The miraculous was everywhere, evidenced by moments great and small, and synchronicity ruled the day…

There was, for example, the moment I got “lost” at work.  Trying to get back to my desk, I wandered left instead of right, and found myself standing on the sales floor.  I was annoyed.  Being a bad pain day for me, I had been forced to use my cane at work (which I never, ever do); but it was that, or risk falling, as my hips could not maneuver or carry me without aid.  So I stood there, berating myself for the unnecessary steps I’d now added to my journey, and glanced up, just in time to see a man approaching me.  He looked relieved as he said to me, “oh good!  Maybe you can help me!”

Turns out I could; in fact, I would have been paged out to the floor for that express purpose had he encountered another staff member first.  Our staff is well versed on many different crafts and hobbies, but we each possess our particular areas of expertise.  If our customers require knowledge or input from an “expert,” we will page that person, assuring our customers get the best information we can provide at this time.  This man had questions, and needed demonstrations from one of my expert fields.  Had I made it to my desk, I would have had to backtrack to meet with him anyway…

Then there was the moment my boss apologized to me for snapping at me, though he was angry about something else…  It’s not unusual for him to do so, if there is a genuine confusion about why he snapped; my boss is actually quite “human” in that regard (lol!).  What made this different was that I understood in the moment that his frustration wasn’t directed at me, and I felt the same way; it didn’t occur to me to take it personally.  I was so shocked (and pleased) by his apology, that all I could think of to say in response was, “thank you for acknowledging that.”  And I meant it…

Then came last break (4pm), and the overwhelming compulsion to contact a friend I hadn’t seen in a while and invite her to dinner.  Bear in mind, that I didn’t want to go anywhere after work; I just wanted to be done.  But bless her for agreeing to meet me, and for naming the meeting place as the place I vaguely wanted to go.  And so dinner plans were made at the last minute (meeting at 6:30).

I was late getting out of work, and so knew I’d be late arriving, but I headed out anyway, pulling into the restaurant at the precise moment my car clock turned over to 6:30.  How I got across town, through all that traffic and traffic lights in 10 minutes remains a mystery; I suppose that falls under the “defying science” header.  A pleasant dinner ensued, presented by a pleasant server we’d never encountered there before.  Of course, we don’t usually go there on Mondays.  (As it turns out, he doesn’t usually work Mondays, either, being called in at the last minute to begin his shift at 6pm)…

As dinner progressed, we discovered more and more about our young server, and much of it was what we had in common.  Turns out he was feeling a bit lost these days, and felt he was missing some vital “connection” that he didn’t know where to begin looking for.  As the three of us began finishing each others’ sentences and thoughts, I understood exactly why we had all gathered; synchronicity at its best.  (This, by the way, was exactly how I met the friend I was dining with, as I was “led” into the shop she worked in, on a whim, exactly one year ago this week.)

I felt the cascade beginning, as we began tripping over each other with each new connection snapping into place.  I mentioned it to my friend, when our server needed to walk away for a moment, suggesting we should leave before it developed further.  And though we have never discussed what a “cascade” is, nor ever used that terminology in any other context, she knew exactly what I was talking about and agreed.  We tried to leave.  We did.  But we did not succeed, at least not yet…

* Flashback: (a necessary evil to explain what happens next).  Earlier that morning, I received a random message (while brushing my teeth… lol!).  A voice, clear as day, told me “all you are missing now is the Knight and King of Wands” (Tarot cards, for those unfamiliar with the terms.)  I actually laughed at the time, asking impishly if my purpose now was to create my own deck; then quickly dismissed it as irrelevant in the moment.

* Flash Foward:  My friend and I are standing in the restaurant, and I’m trying desperately to get us out of there, going so far as to lay hands upon her to encourage her to move, but stopping short of actually dragging her out.  Cascades are overwhelming enough, when experienced alone, but when shared with Others…  Let’s just say a public place where one of us is actually on the clock, is not really the best place to experience it.  And the urge to escape was strangling me…

Suddenly I turned around and said to them, “I don’t know who this applies to, but I sense the Chariot strongly around us” (another Tarot card).  My friend started to interpret that, while our new friend looked me dead in the eye and said, “interesting.  I was just told my card is the King of Wands.”

I turned and walked away without response, paying our bill and leaving as quickly as possible.  (For the record, we had already exchanged contact info, so we could all reconnect at a later time.)

I couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t think.  I couldn’t focus on anything.  “I’m in shock,” I told myself, as I struggled to focus enough to drive home.  I fully expected the cascade to continue once I was safely alone, at home.  But it did not.  Nor has it since.  And all I have is the feeling of pressure, the knowing that it must complete, even if I don’t know when or how it will occur…

And the message for those of you who followed this story to its current resting point is this:  open defiance is an opportunity the Universe cannot resist responding to, as it will almost always rise to whatever challenge you place before it…

Or, in more common vernacular, be careful what you pray for because you might just get it!

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