If Time is an illusion, then so is Space – simply another frame through which we view our existence. The language of Space involves distance and separation. But there is no more Distance between “us” than there is Time between breaths. Or deaths…
Empathy makes us Al(l)-One…
A body without boundaries
an existence without end
bleeding through and exploring
a variety of dimensions.
Meditation leads to dozing
and dozing to dreams;
dreams roll over again
into conscious reality.
But there is little to distinguish
these separate states of Being
other than the transitions
time spent in between…
Where Change is
the only noticeable Constant
the movement, the action
passive seeming dynamic.
Reaching out to Others
merging and blending
influence wrought not through force
but adapting.
And suddenly I know
why the walls were so solid
the ego so strong
the identity so crucial:
for Water without boundaries
is a much muted force
no strength to blast obstacles
and so easily absorbed.
Soaking in unobtrusively
embracing, becoming
One experiencing An’Other
defining Entanglement.
Until no boundary exists
empathy in its truest sense
with only a tingling and a feeling
in the transitions between.
Is this then the goal?
To be vague like a ghost?
Misty mornings, and rings around moons
shapeshifting clouds in midsummer blues?
No limits, no forms
no lofty hopes;
just being, in this moment
nebula adrift in the cosmos…?
In my self-empowered beliefs, I laid down ultimatums. And deadlines. And requirements of any proofs purporting to lead to truth. And the Universe just laughed at me.
At my arrogance and greed…
Time simply dissolved around me, like a bad joke. For it was never meant to construct reality, merely to frame it so that it would be easier to perceive. In the moment. The priceless, precious experience of Now.
And sitting here in my safety net, watching the world deconstruct in front of me, I see. I see how much of what I’ve accomplished is a mockery of All-That-Is. Viewing All with dispassion, but not a total lack of empathy. For there is feeling here as well…
There is validation for the seeking that led me here, a knowing that, though misguided occasionally, my momentum and direction carried the day…
There is embarrasment, even shame, in watching others flounder on their misguided way. I shouldn’t be enjoying this, and yet I am. “I told you so…,” teeters on the edge of my lips, and only the discipline of many regrets prevents them from tumbling out.
There is awareness of how my greatest gift – time magic – is nothing more than fallacy. A wasted effort, and useless in the ever-present Now.
Yet there is strength in embracing who I am. All of me! In wisdom and in love. For I am all that and nothing more, and there is peace in accepting that…
I am Here Now. I am space and time combined. I am the weaving and the thread, and the pattern thus designed. And I am also the loom upon which All This is created. And the chaos that unravels it…
This is my legacy…
My Truth…
My come-uppance…
And I can only laugh!
Hysterically…
For weeks now, my primary function in life has been acting as host of a new age game show – “Name that Feeling”… (Not really, of course, but that’s how it seems.) So many people suffering – friends, family, strangers, co-workers… Chaos corrupts and distracts them, leaving them vulnerable, overwhelmed, irritated and touchy, with one unifying characteristic – the temptation and opportunity to make “bad” decisions. Impulses based on negativity rarely result in positive outcomes. So I hear myself speaking, repeating, over and over again: “what are you feeling?… Ok, but ‘bad’ is pretty vague; can we explore that some more?”
It’s been my experience that correctly labelling a feeling often times introduces a viable solution to address it. Frustration is more easily tackled with distractive techniques, while anger must be appropriately channeled before clear thinking can return. Sadness takes many forms as well, each requiring a different approach. Is the sadness based on grief, loneliness, purposelessness, etc…?
The head and the heart must work together, or be driven ever further apart. And we, as empowered beings co-creating reality, are responsible for aligning those components, for too much distance between them leads to unhealthy detachment and sociopathy, or, contrarily, dependency and powerlessness. For how can we make moral and ethical choices without empathy? And how can we devise workable solutions when logic and reason abandon us?
So…
This weekend the red panda and snow leopard exhibit opens at our local zoo. It is an event I have eagerly awaited since it was announced last year. I even bought my daughter a zoo membership this year so we could all enjoy it. (My grandaughter is every bit as attracted to animals as I am!) And today is the day we are going to meet them!
Yet here I sit in meditation, conflicting feelings competing for my attention, leading me far from Center, and directly into the cyclone surrounding me. For I feel empathy for the animals, caged far from home for the cruelly voyeuristic pleasure of humanity. Yet there is no denying the delight I experience at the mere thought of sharing the same space with these magnificent beings, to breathe the same air, to feel the same sun shining upon our skin/fur. To be so close to these animals whose natural habitat I will never experience…
How can I justify/live with both? For my empathy demands the creatures be free, while my selfish delight seeks their company…
Anyone who has experienced Oneness understands that it is quite possible to maintain multiple perspectives on a single experience. The trick seems to be in keeping the separate tracks separated; clearly divided lanes that allow one to experience from multiple points of view. The problem arises when those tracks begin to cross over one another, combining then separating. Such crossover invariably creates disorientation and hesitation, wincing at near collisions, slowing then stopping all forward momentum…
For many years in my city here we had a tangled bit of highway locally nicknamed “the can of worms.” Four major highways came together in a 1/2 mile space, forcing traffic to cross as many as 4-6 lanes of traffic to get to the desired route. It was a nightmare for drivers, particularly the timid or unfamiliar. Accidents occurred every day. Multiple accidents occurred every day. Those accidents added to the congestion of rush hour, making the necessary lane changes all but impossible, causing frayed nerves, impulsive actions, road rage, and more accidents…
The highway system has since been corrected, but the analogy remains. When multiple perspectives get entangled that way, the results are quite similar – crash and burn…
So, while my instincts tell me to unify my perspectives, my experience warns me against it. Especially when the perspectives are actively opposed to one another. How can I hold such deep resentment against humans like myself for caging these beautiful creatures, at the same time I feel such anticipation and gratitude for the opportunity to see them?!
How can I see so clearly what others need to do, and be so blind to what I myself should do?!
Today’s episode of “Name that Feeling” is a beast…
Sitting here irritated, annoyed, frustrated beyond my capacity to endure! I wish, anyway… But I have more endurance, more stamina than I give myself credit for. And sometimes that feels like a curse…
Contemplating the rats’ nest in my gut, the interactions and expectations of the many players in this game; the complications of needs vs. wants, of one vs. another; the tangled threads of multiple timelines winding over, under, and through one another… So much chaos, so much tension, trying desperately to keep the knots from tightening beyond repair. Pulling gently on one thread, only to notice a nearby knot contract…
STOP!!
Loosen that thread a bit, and the first knot pulls together…
STOP!!
Breathe… Focus… Can you even tell which strands are which?
Not anymore…
And in the back of my mind a simple refrain: this is ONE long thread – therefore any knots are just illusions or distractions; they aren’t real!
The following questions were asked by Jerry (rawgod) as part of a comment on another post. They are insightful and involved, and so I thought they should be addressed in their own post. Please feel free to jump into the conversation if you are so inclined. 😀
The questions themselves have to do with my experiences with my Others, and the Center Space where we can meet and converse as others, while still retaining an identity of being…
Q: “1) Do you really identify with more than one ego at a time, or when you switch egos do you do that instanstaneously and completely? I guess what I am asking, when you are acting as Prime Personality, then suddenly switch to Personality B, are you still aware of being Prime Personality, or is the switch total, and Prime Personality does not exist anymore?”
A: The simple answer to this question is that I retain a single ego, regardless of which personality I am experiencing. I like the way you differentiate between Prime and Personality B, etc., as it truly captures the essence of what it’s like, so I’m going to use that framework to discuss this.
So I will immerse my consciousness in B’s life, but still feel, react and be Me (Prime), which requires a certain period of adjustment each time I visit. I will remember Prime’s (Lisa’s) memories, morality, etc. throughout my “time” there, but I will also have access to B’s memories, morality, etc. More often than not, I am drawn into B’s life during a significant period, and “I” (we) will use our combined wisdom to navigate the situations that arise…
What makes it interesting is that while I have not bodily crossed over into that timeline (not for lack of trying, I assure you! Lol!), I still experience everything as “real.” Every sensation, every feeling, every lesson learned becomes a part of Prime’s experience as well. The only noticeable difference is the way time operates, as Prime is able to skip around more easily within B’s life history, seeking memories (with added realism) that might be needed to proceed in B’s current time…
Q: “2) From what I read, Prime Personality has at least some memory of being Other personalities, but there is no direct connection between them. People with Multiple Personalities can supposedly switch from one personality to another under certain situations or stressors. Can you do this?”
A: Are you asking if I can consciously immerse myself in an Other’s life? Sometimes, yes, but I wouldn’t say it happens always “at will.” In fact, the mechanism that used to allow me such complete immersion seems to have been broken for the last decade or so. I have been able to look in, but I have not been able to actually visit. Instead, we often meet in some neutral location and converse like real people; all the posts on my blog tagged or categorized as “conversations” are “real” experiences I’ve had with the others.
And no, I do not have multiple personality disorder (MPD). MPD’s usually “become” alternates in their current life (timeline), while I “travel” to the Others’ lives to experience being them. While they may be perceived as MPD because Prime claims dominance there, I retain memories, traits and characteristics of both.
To be fair, though, there is definitely a sharing going on. Traits usually associated with B will become apparent in Prime’s life when we are in close contact, and since some of the Other’s are very different from me, it can be quite noticeable. It explains why MPD was originally considered a possible diagnosis that was quickly ruled out; straight up schizophrenia won the title in the end.
What is important to acknowledge is the place of ego in this exchange. Because there is a central being expressing itself in different forms, there is a consistency of experience across all timelines, a root or baseline that learns and adjusts (changes), while still remaining “the same.” Simultaneous co-existence without contradiction.
Q: “3) When you do make a switch, from say Prime to B, is there any loss of time for Prime when you switch back?”
A: Yes. Definitely. But it’s hard to explain or define, because my body (Prime) continues to live my life while I am out being the Others. Basically it means that when I return consciously to my life, I have some “catching up” to do, and some time that will never be recovered. I usually am confronted multiple times after returning about things I don’t remember at all – conversations had, plans made, incidents that occurred, etc. People are mad at me and I have no understanding why. Or I missed work and didn’t call in. Or I had some “meaningful” encounter with someone who I will not even recognize next time we meet. You get the idea…
It was one of the things I had to learn to cope with, as it made me extremely vulnerable. Admitting I wasn’t “here” was not an acceptable excuse, but it did give others an opportunity to make stuff up which I could neither confirm nor deny. I learned to “play it cool,” look for clues, and my journals became critical for piecing together the jumbled timelines. Eventually it was a practice the Others adopted to make the transitions easier on all of us…
Q: “4) This one is hard for me to comprehend or properly ask (presuming that the answer to question 3 is negative as I believe it must be) but what happens during the lives of personalities B, C, D, Etc while you are living as Prime? Surely their lives do not stop happening? So, obvious question, based on above scenarios being correct:
4a) Do these sub-personalities have their own egos while YOU are not with them? If Yes, do you then share the ego? Or, if no, what happens to the sub-egos while you are controlling their minds? And how do they feel about it, if they know about it? (Actually, this last question seems to be very similar to part of Question 1, so you may have already answered it. If so, no need to repeat. But is there is a difference you can see, I would love to hear it. Thanks.)”
A: Ok, I’m going to try to tackle this one as a whole…
Each of us is living a life, complete, coherent, unique in time and space. What happens during the “visits” is that Prime (Lisa) steps into an’Other’s life, and lives it for a while. The Other is there, or sometimes not, but their personality, memories, sensations, talents, are all accessible to me (Prime), yet somehow foreign. I am actually me being them, and so influencing their lives. Where they go or how they feel about my intrusion is unknown to me. Only when we meet in conversation do we interact as other, rather than as one.
Have they occasionally visited me? Yes! And that is something I rarely talk about. But in the beginning, when this first started happening for me, it was almost always the other way around; they came and lived my life for a while.
While they were here, I was merely an observer in my life, sitting back to see what they would do. Sometimes I cheered them on, knowing they were doing for me what I could not do for myself. Other times I fought them, fearing the damage they would undoubtedly cause. Because the decisions they made, the interactions they had while here created real consequences that Lisa would have to deal with when they left.
Eventually Lisa learned enough engaging with less linear forms of self to be able to “control” the process, more or less. I’m not sure how to explain that really, other than compare it to installing a one-way door; I could get to them directly, but they could not then get to me without invitation. It was at that point that Lisa likely became Prime; not because my life is more important or significant, but because my understanding of the process gained me more control over it.
*** *** ***
And this, then, is why I have procrastinated so long in answering these questions. Because in the beginning Lisa was not Prime at all! There was an’Other who ripped me from my timeline when I was 9 or 10 years old. She was much older than me (an adult), and she taught me much about life I might have preferred not to know. Sometimes she came to me and simply messed with my life, forcing me to clean it up and learn as I did so. Other times she took me to her own life, living out various scenarios that would later impact directly on my timeline. But she was always in control of the process…
As a teenager, I started to resist her, alternately “loving” her for her honesty and “hating” her for her brutality in communicating it. I used a variety of techniques (drugs, alcohol, sex, meditation, etc) to try and gain the upper hand in our interactions. Ultimately those techniques failed because I could not control myself much less her. Once I set aside drugs and alcohol, the scales began to balance, and with adulthood (and the wisdom it brought), I sought to understand the process itself. That’s when it began to tip in my favor…
As an adult, I better understood the “teaching” she had tried to impart, and I used the clarity gained in sobriety to explore the implications. I began to see her more as “human,” with faults, frailties, and baggage, rather than super-human as my child self had assumed. I started to see her as a peer, an equal. And then I took on the gargantuan task of “capturing” our interaction…
As I mentioned before, I wrote a book about it (a couple actually), although one was simply a “recording” of our transitions. In that book, I consciously stepped into her life (by my choice) and recorded what occurred there. Through that process I learned just how “damaged” her personality was, forever stripping her of super-human status in my mind. I also encountered another self entirely whom I had never met before, who taught me directly about Time, Space and Movement (Change), thus explaining how these interactions were possible at all. That self also brought me home to Center, where interactions could occur without co-opting each Others’ lives.
And that is when Lisa became Prime…
That book is available in digital format (free) if you want a copy. I can email it to you if you are interested. My understanding (though I remain technology challenged) is that it is a PDF file, and not any e-book format.
Hopefully, these answers are sufficient, and will ennable us to continue discussing this and related topics.
‘Twas a dark night in her heart and all the world, with deep shadow touching every living thing. She sighed as she wandered the familiar forest path, using memory to guide her steps in this place without light…
“Not much hope to be had here,” she said softly, thinking of how lost the world seemed. “Not even the brightest new sun could enlighten these people, I suspect…”
As she moved slowly through this woodsy shrine, she mourned for all that would be lost this time around… The animals, whose only crime was to co-exist with narcissists… The trees, whose silent sentience had served countless generations in wisdom, strength and love… The innocence, with which every human child was born, and later forced to sacrifice to gods of greed and hardship… The knowledge gained by honest hearts, then twisted into unrecognizable form…
“Perhaps it is best in the end, if all of it is gone,” she ventured once again to her audience of One. “Some things… people… never change. And the suffering of All must end!”
Eventually her steps carried her to that sacred place where so many had gathered over Time to honor, to celebrate, to grieve, the everyday lives to which they had shackled themselves. And sure enough, she found a small group gathered now around a brilliant Yule fire, singing songs to ease their fears, keeping company with one another through the long night, vigilant in watching for the birth of the new Sun. She stood there, at the edge of the wood, unnoticed in her Shadow, witnessing this meeting of Tradition, unsure how she should feel in this Moment…
For it was not fear or grief that touched her heart in this moment of communion… There was no spite, contempt, or suspicion fueling her reaction… There was only… calm? Or peace, maybe (?), as she gazed solemnly at the small community… She stood there silently a long while, as she tried to puzzle it out…
Eventually there came a time when Silence descended on the gathered group, and only the crackling of the fire could be heard. She noticed a small head lift up from its mother’s lap, and turn to stare directly at her, standing in the shadows. Suddenly a single bird called out, signalling the coming Dawn, and all the people stood as One to face the East… except the child, whose eyes remain fixed on the unmoving form at forest’s edge…
More birds spoke up, announcing the coming day, and the humans lifted their voices to join in the joyous song. The child nodded once at the silent Guardian of the forest, before turning to greet the Sun…
The Doe stood there long enough to see the light crest the horizon, before turning back to the sheltered paths of her home. But she noticed as she walked along that her steps might be a little lighter than the ones that led her here. And it occurred to her that perhaps… maybe… not All were lost, after all.
“There is still a small chance that this sun shall enlighten some,” she told herself, repeating what she knew to be an old and tired refrain from countless Yules… “We shall see… we shall see… what that child becomes…”
