Conversations, Reflections

Moments…

There are moments, like this one, in which everything feels perfect…

Disappointments stand hand in hand with hopes…

Joy and sorrow support one another…

Life echoes in the silence surrounding me, while the Silence mutes the sounds of living…

A cat purrs in timely rhythm with me, clocking each breath I take…

And my heartbeat, steady and slow, drives out all thoughts of death…

And time…

I am alone, yet I am Whole.

I am divided, yet I am sure.

I am ashamed, yet I am wiser.

I am complete.

*** *** ***

And he said to me…

“Did you know it takes three minutes to make a moment?”

“Yes, actually, I have heard that,” I responded. “Thanks for reminding me!”

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Poetry, Reflections

“A Body Without Boundaries…”

A body without boundaries

an existence without end

bleeding through and exploring

a variety of dimensions.

Meditation leads to dozing

and dozing to dreams;

dreams roll over again

into conscious reality.

But there is little to distinguish

these separate states of Being

other than the transitions

time spent in between…

Where Change is

the only noticeable Constant

the movement, the action

passive seeming dynamic.

Reaching out to Others

merging and blending

influence wrought not through force

but adapting.

And suddenly I know

why the walls were so solid

the ego so strong

the identity so crucial:

for Water without boundaries

is a much muted force

no strength to blast obstacles

and so easily absorbed.

Soaking in unobtrusively

embracing, becoming

One experiencing An’Other

defining Entanglement.

Until no boundary exists

empathy in its truest sense

with only a tingling and a feeling

in the transitions between.

Is this then the goal?

To be vague like a ghost?

Misty mornings, and rings around moons

shapeshifting clouds in midsummer blues?

No limits, no forms

no lofty hopes;

just being, in this moment

nebula adrift in the cosmos…?

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Reflections

Come-Uppance…

In my self-empowered beliefs, I laid down ultimatums. And deadlines. And requirements of any proofs purporting to lead to truth. And the Universe just laughed at me.

At my arrogance and greed…

Time simply dissolved around me, like a bad joke. For it was never meant to construct reality, merely to frame it so that it would be easier to perceive. In the moment. The priceless, precious experience of Now.

And sitting here in my safety net, watching the world deconstruct in front of me, I see. I see how much of what I’ve accomplished is a mockery of All-That-Is. Viewing All with dispassion, but not a total lack of empathy. For there is feeling here as well…

There is validation for the seeking that led me here, a knowing that, though misguided occasionally, my momentum and direction carried the day…

There is embarrasment, even shame, in watching others flounder on their misguided way. I shouldn’t be enjoying this, and yet I am. “I told you so…,” teeters on the edge of my lips, and only the discipline of many regrets prevents them from tumbling out.

There is awareness of how my greatest gift – time magic – is nothing more than fallacy. A wasted effort, and useless in the ever-present Now.

Yet there is strength in embracing who I am. All of me! In wisdom and in love. For I am all that and nothing more, and there is peace in accepting that…

I am Here Now. I am space and time combined. I am the weaving and the thread, and the pattern thus designed. And I am also the loom upon which All This is created. And the chaos that unravels it…

This is my legacy…

My Truth…

My come-uppance…

And I can only laugh!

Hysterically…

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Reflections

Red Pandas and Snow Leopards, Oh My…

For weeks now, my primary function in life has been acting as host of a new age game show – “Name that Feeling”… (Not really, of course, but that’s how it seems.)  So many people suffering – friends, family, strangers, co-workers…  Chaos corrupts and distracts them, leaving them vulnerable, overwhelmed, irritated and touchy, with one unifying characteristic – the temptation and opportunity to make “bad” decisions.  Impulses based on negativity rarely result in positive outcomes.  So I hear myself speaking, repeating, over and over again: “what are you feeling?…  Ok, but ‘bad’ is pretty vague; can we explore that some more?”

It’s been my experience that correctly labelling a feeling often times introduces a viable solution to address it.  Frustration is more easily tackled with distractive techniques, while anger must be appropriately channeled before clear thinking can return.  Sadness takes many forms as well, each requiring a different approach.  Is the sadness based on grief, loneliness, purposelessness, etc…?

The head and the heart must work together, or be driven ever further apart.  And we, as empowered beings co-creating reality, are responsible for aligning those components, for too much distance between them leads to unhealthy detachment and sociopathy, or, contrarily, dependency and powerlessness.  For how can we make moral and ethical choices without empathy?  And how can we devise workable solutions when logic and reason abandon us?

So…

This weekend the red panda and snow leopard exhibit opens at our local zoo.  It is an event I have eagerly awaited since it was announced last year.  I even bought my daughter a zoo membership this year so we could all enjoy it.  (My grandaughter is every bit as attracted to animals as I am!)  And today is the day we are going to meet them!

Yet here I sit in meditation, conflicting feelings competing for my attention, leading me far from Center, and directly into the cyclone surrounding me.  For I feel empathy for the animals, caged far from home for the cruelly voyeuristic pleasure of humanity.  Yet there is no denying the delight I experience at the mere thought of sharing the same space with these magnificent beings, to breathe the same air, to feel the same sun shining upon our skin/fur.  To be so close to these animals whose natural habitat I will never experience…

How can I justify/live with both?  For my empathy demands the creatures be free, while my selfish delight seeks their company…

Anyone who has experienced Oneness understands that it is quite possible to maintain multiple perspectives on a single experience.  The trick seems to be in keeping the separate tracks separated; clearly divided lanes that allow one to experience from multiple points of view.  The problem arises when those tracks begin to cross over one another, combining then separating.  Such crossover invariably creates disorientation and hesitation, wincing at near collisions, slowing then stopping all forward momentum…

For many years in my city here we had a tangled bit of highway locally nicknamed “the can of worms.” Four major highways came together in a 1/2 mile space, forcing traffic to cross as many as 4-6 lanes of traffic to get to the desired route.  It was a nightmare for drivers, particularly the timid or unfamiliar.  Accidents occurred every day.  Multiple accidents occurred every day.  Those accidents added to the congestion of rush hour, making the necessary lane changes all but impossible, causing frayed nerves, impulsive actions, road rage, and more accidents…

The highway system has since been corrected, but the analogy remains.  When multiple perspectives get entangled that way, the results are quite similar – crash and burn…

So, while my instincts tell me to unify my perspectives, my experience warns me against it.  Especially when the perspectives are actively opposed to one another.  How can I hold such deep resentment against humans like myself for caging these beautiful creatures, at the same time I feel such anticipation and gratitude for the opportunity to see them?!

How can I see so clearly what others need to do, and be so blind to what I myself should do?!

Today’s episode of “Name that Feeling” is a beast…

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Reflections

Simplicity…

Sitting here irritated, annoyed, frustrated beyond my capacity to endure!  I wish, anyway…  But I have more endurance, more stamina than I give myself credit for.  And sometimes that feels like a curse…

Contemplating the rats’ nest in my gut, the interactions and expectations of the many players in this game; the complications of needs vs. wants, of one vs. another; the tangled threads of multiple timelines winding over, under, and through one another…  So much chaos, so much tension, trying desperately to keep the knots from tightening beyond repair.  Pulling gently on one thread, only to notice a nearby knot contract…

STOP!!

Loosen that thread a bit, and the first knot pulls together…

STOP!!

Breathe…  Focus…  Can you even tell which strands are which?

Not anymore…

And in the back of my mind a simple refrain:  this is ONE long thread – therefore any knots are just illusions or distractions; they aren’t real!

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