Unquotable Quotes #29

On lying to Oneself…

Just because you think you “got away with” something doesn’t mean you aren’t guilty of committing the “crime” anyway…

Just sayin’…

Poetry, Reflections


I stand alone, within a crowd


Calming breaths, burrowing roots

still my restless self.

Every ounce of fortitude

every spark of will

every bit of discipline

required to rein Me in…

Now a statue, not stone, but flesh

my focus turns without.

To see the world pass me by

unmoved by my existence.

In every face, despair

In every voice, fear

In every life that passes

a story of distress.

For chaos rules the world today

and wicked winds of change.

Perhaps, if I can hold my ground,

my life would feel more sane…

But even here, unmoving,

reality seeks its claim…

Lightning strikes me from above,

attacks quite unanticipated.

Raging cyclones chip away

at balance, strength, and certainty.

And flocks of birds fly overhead,

to defecate quite purposely…

Yet here I stand, immobolized,

completely unprovoking…

So how am I to name this space?

What judgment comes to mind?

How can I explain this?

Or justify my time?

Is standing still the least destructive

for me and those nearby?

Or should I slip into the flow

let chaos be my guide?

Hanging on or letting go,

the difference is extreme.

So, caught between the consequences

Immobile I remain.



Where has my compassion gone?

I’m standing on the deck this cold winter morn, reflecting on all that is around/within me.  I notice the waning moon, face brilliantly unexpressive, shining dispassionately against the perfectly blue morning sky.  The crows caw their morning greetings, but I can barely force myself to respond.  As the chill seeps through the layers of my human made winter wear, I cannot rouse an ounce of motivation to push it away.  It reminds me of something… something close enough to feel, if not yet to name.

My mind reaches for happier thoughts… connections to the world around me.  I recall the joy I felt yesterday at the first stirring of the trees.  They are nowhere near awake around here yet, but I felt the rootlets twitching slightly, and the sap begin to soften, as the trees baked in the strong midwinter sun.  Soon… soon enough, my dear friends will waken, and our work together will commence once more…

I listen, and can hear my grandchildren giggling at last night’s party; such carefree abandon always makes me smile.  I see my grandaughter’s impish grin as she watches me, looking for a reaction as she manipulates the adults surrounding her.  I think about how my 6 year old grandson put himself in a “timeout” (yes, he called it that as he sat down), for accidentally knocking over an empty bottle in his enthusiastic play.  He is always so hard on himself, but I cannot help but admire such self-discipline in one so young…

And then my thoughts drift to the others, those in pain, who crossed my path yesterday.  My focus, however, is not so much on the pain they expressed in countless known or unknown ways, but in my reaction to it.  Because everyone is in pain these days, and such pain must find release…

My concern is about how I felt about it, how I reacted.  The person who told me a dozen times over a 4 hour visit how tired they were became annoying.  The one who worked so hard overcoming sadness and grief that their faux happiness gained enough volume to become excruciating.  The injustices shared, to which I could only mildly respond, “such is life.”  The person whose physical pain mirrored my own, so much so that I was grateful when they finally left.  Even my own discomfort captured less than my full attention, as I crawled up stairs with hands and feet, involuntary groans escaping (in front of people, even!), without me caring what others (or my self) might think…

Tears slip silently down my cheeks as I write these words, but no sobs accompany them.  They are the hopeless, unacknowledged grief of something lost, without the desire to even identify the cause.  But I suspect I know already, if the title of this piece carries any significance at all, for what I do NOT feel this morning is compassion.  Not for myself, nor for anyone (or perhaps any thing) at all.  I feel a void where it used to exist, an emptiness that holds only fading memory.  I remember caring.  I remember hurting.  I remember helping.  But all of that is in the past…

My eye is drawn back to that brilliant moon in a flawless cold midwinter sky…

Yes… dispassion is the right word for today, and it has crept in to every aspect of my awareness.  I guess that answers my question, doesn’t it?

Poetry, Reflections


Tossed to the roadside

left to die…

Like garbage from another time.

Pushed aside, out of sight

out of mind…

Irrelevant am I…

So who am I?

Who am I you left to die?

Who am I you pushed aside?

Who am I?

You decide…

Am I pride, dignity, or hope?

Trust or faith?

Reason, responsibility, humility perhaps?

Conscience, purpose, or justice?

For all of these are now abandoned,

drained of their power to motivate

and empower…

What then is left?

So… who am I, left here to die?

Whose relevancy has been pushed aside?

You decide…

Am I humanity,

and the planet on which we reside?

Or am I greed,

and the system on which it relies?

You decide…

Knowing no answer is an answer this time…

For abandonment is an action,

passive or aggressive,

the results will be the tide

that wipes away our history…

Tossed to the roadside

left to die

the garbage from another time…





Questioning my Self…

If I inhabit a reality of my own creation, which I truly believe I do (at least intellectually), why have I not created a more beautiful place to live?

Where is the love? The justice? The sense of equality that I would expect from me?  Why are we all still suffering?  In misery?

Do I truly need continuing lessons on compassion?  Or is it detachment I’m working on?

I feel sad…  So sad.  I’m not depressed; just sad.  I look around me every day and take note of all the suffering taking place, my own included.  I acknowledge that life isn’t fair, and changes are upon us, and that each and every being I encounter these days is struggling with something of significance to them.  We are facing our deepest “issues,” whatever they might be – financial, health, purpose, faith, loss, grief, codependency, addiction, relationships, career, etc…  And it is no longer enough to compare apples and oranges to find “relief”…

I take no comfort in saying “at least I’m not dealing with [that] today!”  Or “thank Goodness my crisis is only financial!”  I don’t need to compare my suffering to others to find gratitude today; I am well aware of how loved and lucky I am…

But that does not diminish my “suffering” today, for my financial insecurity is the one “issue” which I have never satisfactorily resolved; it has always haunted me, and it continues to do so.  To minimize its impact on me, and the way I live my life is a disservice to my Self…

But yes, there are many, many others who are suffering much more than I am, within their own personal hells…  And I don’t need to minimize or overstate their suffering, either, in an attempt to balance scales.  I simply accept that we are all suffering, and this world we share truly is hell!


Why?  I ask my Self, “why?!”  For when I cannot “solve” a problem, I seek to understand instead.  My powerful Self could create a “happier” place, at least for me.  Why haven’t I done so?

I need to know…

Reflections, Unquotables

Unquotable Quotes #22

Thank goodness there was no social media while I was growing up.  My humiliation was personal, and real, but only exists in memory…

Memory fades in people, shifts and changes over time, but the internet captures each moment and holds it indelibly for life…


Reflections, Visions

Answering “the Call”…



Hello?!  Can you hear me?

“Yes, I can hear you.  Who is this?”

“Doesn’t matter right now.  Just listen…  Carefully…  To what I’m about to say.”


“Tread cautiously today…  Watch your steps…  Place each one consciously, paying particular attention to what you are stepping on…”

“Good advice, I guess.  Always.  But is there something specific I should be focusing on?”

“Beware of open doors and planned deceptions; misperceptions are everywhere!”

“Ok, now you’re just starting to sound paranoid…”

“Shhhh!!…  Listen!…  Just listen!”