Reflections

MIA (aka “Out of the Loop”)…

How long does something need to be missing from your life before you notice it’s gone? How long does it take you to identify that missing element? Can you even identify it?

Just curious, I guess. Lately I’ve been experiencing that a lot.

I walked into my craft room the other day, and noticed a gaping hole on a display shelf. I stopped to wonder what might have been there…? I mean, clearly something else must have sat there, else why would the one other item on the shelf be sitting off to one side? Or am I missing something obvious here…?

I have a shelf of broken and forgotten toys at work, gathered over my 13+ years there, and including some that predate even me. I noticed a similar “hole” on that shelf recently. But I absolutely cannot imagine what used to sit there!

My daughter was in serious crisis the weekend before Thanksgiving. It dragged into days… then weeks. She is attempting to reconstruct her life around new principles and priorities now. Yesterday, someone thought to ask me how she was doing with that. My response?

“I have no idea…”

“How can you have no idea?!,” she asked with incredulity.

Hmm… good question, so I pondered for a moment.

“I guess I’m just out of the loop these days,” I answered finally. “She doesn’t report to me, and we only talk when I see her once a week. But then the kids are there…”

A co-worker asked me about something work related yesterday (damned if I remember what – lol!), and my response was “I have no idea.” When she went on to question me about it, I learned something else I didn’t know! She just stared at me like I’d lost my mind, and I merely laughed, pointing out the obvious fact that I was clearly “out of the loop.”

And frankly, I don’t seem to mind…

Working the floor, dealing with customers a lot this time of year. And over the last week or so I’ve been pressed for things we haven’t carried in years. All things I remember having… once. But no more. “Sorry” is all I can offer. Why the sudden fascination with things long gone, things I wouldn’t even know we’re missing unless someone asked?

And so it goes, day in and day out. A monotony of dim colors with an occasional splash of brilliant sparkle, rapidly lost to memory. I not only feel detached from reality, but actually distanced from it, as though none of it is real anymore. My thoughts aren’t even present anymore, spinning as they are around long forgotten memories suddenly resurfacing in my conscious mind. Memories that seem to lack both purpose and significance. Memories that make me wonder why I’m even bothering…?

And all I can “hear” when I question all this is “I’m out of the loop…”

Missing in action…

And I didn’t even know…

So… how long has it been? How long did it take me to realize this?!

Ahhh, time. The loopiest of life’s loops!

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6 thoughts on “MIA (aka “Out of the Loop”)…

  1. Could be old age setting in, Lisa, lol. That’s what my doctor is ttying to convince me of. It wouldn’t be surprising if your over-used brain is winding down. Mind you, I do have a few years on you. But under the circumstances…
    But look on the bright side! You get to work when you have to. You still meet regularly with your dsughter. And it seems you get home to the right jouse occadionally. These are good things! You aren’t “entirely” gone yet. As for that empty spot on your shelf, just move the kitty cat nearer to center. You’ll soon see what used to be there. Of course, kitty might be gone soon. But that’s okay

    Liked by 2 people

  2. As one who has lived “out of the loop” (that is, out of what is considered a normal life) for many years and as a result having many things gone missing from my life, I think it is the inevitable result of looking at life and pondering outside the normal box. Do you remember taking the red pill? You must have. Now you live with the consequences that “the world and all that is in, and of, it,” is the illusion. Lisa is alive and well. The missing things weren’t, aren’t, needed. I let mine go after a brief search realizing that they felt more comfortable with more normal people. I try not to fill up the empty spaces. If only I could arrive at my point of departure with nothing left on the shelves, what a relief that would be. For the normal people, ‘the one who dies with the most toys, wins’ but for the walkers between worlds, it’s the opposite. Enjoy your freedom, for that is what freedom is.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ahhhh, YES!

      In a world where some people have to rent and pay for storage spaces because they haven’t room in their houses to hold all their shit there is something exciting about the “remove it from the shelf” and disappear it phenomena.

      A true breath of true freedom.

      Like

  3. Ok, Lisa ………. You ARE missing something here. Off center is “artsy”! Centered is anal!

    Point two …… one raises children to be independent and to move on so you can have peace and quiet in your life once again. There is no loop unless it’s a noose and always avoid “The Noose” when it comes to grown children because they no longer are children!

    That is the point of giving your children a one way bus ticket out of town when they turn 18 …….. Happy Birthday To You.

    Tubularsock is of the opinion that you, Lisa, have come upon enlightenment!

    There is no past …….. fuck memories! They are a drag on the present moment which is all there is AND surprise, surprise all there has ever been.

    There is also no future because the present is all there is ….. opps, it’s gone into the past already and becomes a memory and in the time you spend “thinking” about the former present moment as a memory you miss the current present moment right in front of you and opps, ……… well damn!

    And as long as you miss the present the longer you ARE IN THE LOOP!

    And you ARE “missing in action” UNLESS you stay present!

    So YES! Stay out of the loop ……… THAT is enlightenment!

    And that is what you appear to have discovered oh enlightened one, “The loopiest of life’s loops!”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. While I totally and giggingly disagree with your past-present-future description here, Tube, that’s a great comment. Life can’t always be a present, you know, that’s why we have birthdays, and Christmas and weddings and…

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Speaking of being “out of the loop”!?! I know I read these before, but I stumbled across them just now and got a real giggle out of them. You all are so wise, so funny, so… you! Unique and valuable and true to yourselves. I just want to let you know how much I appreciate you all, even if it’s not in a “timely” manner…

    Liked by 2 people

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