Reflections

Meditation: A Magical Reset?

There is a moment in every day, when I crawl deep within my Self, to a place untouched…  A refuge, where the horrors of the outside world cannot reach…  A pleasant pause, when the terrors of my own physicality do not stalk me…  I am completely content, pain-free, at peace…

A soft buzzing fills my ears, muffling the silent screams of every heart grasping for relief.  A glowing warmth envelops me, staving off the constant chill of foreboding.  Tears slide joyfully down my cheeks, cleansing my spirit in the way only they can.  And I am free…  Completely…

For a moment, every day…

And then the tide shifts, and it All comes rushing in, yanking me back into the world again, as the wave recedes.

Sound returns with a shout and a roar, as Life cries out to be heard, demanding… something… recognition, answers, or succor?

Goosebumps rise as the everpresent sense of dread washes over me once more…

And then the pain flares up, like random flames, reminding me that my body still lives in a world ruled by Time…

I wonder if that peaceful moment, that blessed meditative state, even occurred?

And the answer is?  It doesn’t matter.  I had the experience; I knew it to be true.  And so it was…

So the only question that remains then is: is it enough?  Can the memory of that moment get me through this day?

And the only answer that matters is: of course it will!  Because it must!

I am who I am once more, re-armored, re-armed and re-set.  An’other day begins for this warrior-ess…

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Poetry, Reflections

“Abandoned!…”

Tossed to the roadside

left to die…

Like garbage from another time.

Pushed aside, out of sight

out of mind…

Irrelevant am I…

So who am I?

Who am I you left to die?

Who am I you pushed aside?

Who am I?

You decide…

Am I pride, dignity, or hope?

Trust or faith?

Reason, responsibility, humility perhaps?

Conscience, purpose, or justice?

For all of these are now abandoned,

drained of their power to motivate

and empower…

What then is left?

So… who am I, left here to die?

Whose relevancy has been pushed aside?

You decide…

Am I humanity,

and the planet on which we reside?

Or am I greed,

and the system on which it relies?

You decide…

Knowing no answer is an answer this time…

For abandonment is an action,

passive or aggressive,

the results will be the tide

that wipes away our history…

Tossed to the roadside

left to die

the garbage from another time…

 

 

 

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Reflections

Violence?!

Really, Lisa – violence?!  Are you actually thinking this might be a solution?!

… (no answer is forthcoming)…

Please say it ain’t so…?  You know better!  You’ve lived better!  Initiating violence is never a solution!

…  *sigh* …

[Arms crossed, foot tapping, eyebrow cocked, my conscience waits for a commitment]…

“Well…,” I finally respond, “it’s not like was planning to do the violence!”

***     ***     ***

Still…  The truth is…

I know better.  I would never advocate violence as a solution.  But there are times, like now, when a little well-placed, targeted violence might actually go a long way.  At least in the short term, anyway.

I mean, let’s face it – peaceful resistance does not appear to be working, at least in the sense of shifting momentum.  Yes, there are so many “feel-good” individual stories out there, about good people doing the right thing.  They should give us hope, remind us that how we treat each other, here and now – neighbors, friends, strangers and enemies – is what truly matters.  And it does; no question about it!  I look for and live for those discoveries every day…

Meanwhile, a steamroller, armed like a tank, continues to roll roughshod through our lives, smashing every last shred of dignity and hope from our lives.  They no longer even try to hide or explain their actions; they simply do not care about anyone but themselves, and they see no reason to deny themselves any longer.

And it does not matter that “they” are a minority, that “they” are vastly outnumbered by “us.”  For we are people of conscience, empathy, compassion, and our convictions will not allow us to respond in any way that matters to them!  They know this, and so they are not afraid…

For those whose consciences are less conflicted, now is a time of great importance.  Seeing what you see, how will you choose?  Yes, a part of you wants to be and do “good,” because that’s what you believe is right.  But those doing “bad” are getting away with it, taking what they want without consequence.  The rich get richer and fewer in number; the poor get poorer and multiply exponentially.  Virtuous concepts like justice, equality, fairness, and reason have fallen by the wayside, victims of the heinous appetites of a small portion of the populace…

Is all of humanity corrupt?  Some say yes, but I cannot believe it’s true.  I see people every day making the hard choice, acting compassionately rather than violently.  And for those who feel themselves buckling under the weight of wrongness, who choose not the path of violence and greed, escapism has become the avenue of choice.  Anywhere but here…  Anytime but now…

So…  Violence?

Carefully targeted and controlled?

*sigh*

I no longer feel justified in condemning such a possibility.  I will not do it myself, but I’m no longer certain I could judge another who chose such a path.

But then…  Who am I to judge an’other anyway?

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Unquotables

Unquotable Quotes #26

[Based on a real conversation I had recently with a co-worker and friend, who is usually quite tolerant of my eccentricities, even if she doesn’t follow or agree with them…]

FRIEND:  Who are you, and what have you done to my Lisa?

ME: (blank stare)…

FRIEND: No, seriously.  Where did she go, and how do I get her back?

ME: (shrugging, while shaking my head slowly, confused)…

FRIEND:  I want my Lisa back!!  Make it happen!

*** [fast forward 2 days or so]***

FRIEND: I told you I want my Lisa back!!  Where is she?!

ME:  I’m sorry…?  I don’t know…?  how…?

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Poetry

“Entwined…”

Entwined…

A lover’s breath against my skin…

Two bodies…

Co-mingling…

Illusory, ephemeral boundaries between…

Why do we insist on separate but equal,

when Wholeness beckons

across indivisible seas?

Can we not embrace

our totality?

A mirror reflects just the surface of Me,

while identity embraces All I can be.

A lesson learned…

Repeatedly.

But never practiced…

Consistently.

Entwined…

I am the roots…

of every… thing!

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Reflections

Pushing Through…

Pushing through the pain, the frustrations, the trivial obstacles of everyday life.  Not because I want to, necessarily, but because I feel I must.  Yet I do not always identify with the one pushing anymore…

It’s almost as if I am living a dual existence today.  There is a part of me going through the motions, because curling up and crying serves no purpose at all.  Out there, I am in the thick of things, interacting (and sometimes connecting) with Others, and those brief encounters give the struggle some value or purpose…

But there is an’Other part of me standing still, rooted, watching, but not truly engaging.  That part of me has roots intimately entangled with the trees and animals surrounding me.  I feel the trees tightening their grip on me, wrapping tighter around me, as they settle into their winter sleep.  I wonder if I should be afraid, knowing I will find it virtually impossible to escape?  But I am not afraid.  Instead I feel centered and grounded, strengthened and supported by the community we have created.  I will stand witness over the coming months, while my “friends” heal and rejuvenate.  And I’m quite ok with that…

The future is no longer some distant, vague, ephemeral goal, but a moment existing within and beside me, comingling with what I once called “past.”  But Time itself has become irrelevant and meaningless, serving only as a tool for dissecting current thought.  And, as such, failing to compel anything other than mild, vaguely tangible interest, as my consciousness reaches out to embrace single moments…

Pain…?  Yes, there is a lot of that, though it hardly matters now.

Sorrow…?  Yes, that fog envelopes me, though I choose not to succumb to its influence.

Hope…?  Not so much, though there are instants and brilliant flashes caught in the periphery of my attention.

Patience…?  Yes!  Deeply grounded and totally lacking in urgency, though tiny frustrations frequently threaten the accompanying peace.

Love…?  Yes!  For family, friend and stranger, though I will not interefere with what they are personally struggling.  I have learned boundaries, after all…

Pushing through…  As though the river needs my strength, or the current needs my efforts to move inexorably toward its goal.  How arrogant and humble have I become?

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Reflections

Questioning my Self…

If I inhabit a reality of my own creation, which I truly believe I do (at least intellectually), why have I not created a more beautiful place to live?

Where is the love? The justice? The sense of equality that I would expect from me?  Why are we all still suffering?  In misery?

Do I truly need continuing lessons on compassion?  Or is it detachment I’m working on?

I feel sad…  So sad.  I’m not depressed; just sad.  I look around me every day and take note of all the suffering taking place, my own included.  I acknowledge that life isn’t fair, and changes are upon us, and that each and every being I encounter these days is struggling with something of significance to them.  We are facing our deepest “issues,” whatever they might be – financial, health, purpose, faith, loss, grief, codependency, addiction, relationships, career, etc…  And it is no longer enough to compare apples and oranges to find “relief”…

I take no comfort in saying “at least I’m not dealing with [that] today!”  Or “thank Goodness my crisis is only financial!”  I don’t need to compare my suffering to others to find gratitude today; I am well aware of how loved and lucky I am…

But that does not diminish my “suffering” today, for my financial insecurity is the one “issue” which I have never satisfactorily resolved; it has always haunted me, and it continues to do so.  To minimize its impact on me, and the way I live my life is a disservice to my Self…

But yes, there are many, many others who are suffering much more than I am, within their own personal hells…  And I don’t need to minimize or overstate their suffering, either, in an attempt to balance scales.  I simply accept that we are all suffering, and this world we share truly is hell!

So…

Why?  I ask my Self, “why?!”  For when I cannot “solve” a problem, I seek to understand instead.  My powerful Self could create a “happier” place, at least for me.  Why haven’t I done so?

I need to know…

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